The Main Event

I thought, maybe, considering the name, and the use of the NBC comedy's graphic style, that this was one of those traditional parody pornos that are so much fun, like Not the Bradys XXX or The Sopornos. Sadly, I was mistaken. Sure, this movie is set in an office, and the main character, Steve (Van Damage), is a boss somewhat similar to Steve Carrell's role. But that's where it pretty much ends. Where we could have had fun fantasy play with the sexual tension on "The Office" we instead just have a bunch of sex scenes strung along a paper-thin plotline.

Scene 1:

Things get sexy right away in this office, as Executive Secretary Sally and the temp decide to throw down on the boss' desk.
A spit-soaked BJ by average-looking blonde Marina features lots of ball action, and gets Trent set to plow her secretarial pool. Unfortunately, she's barely into the fuck session, as she just lays there, letting Trent assault her fat puss. The thing that really drags this one down though is the annoying rocking sound that comes from them screwing on top of a wobbly desk. By the time he sprays down her mound with his love liquid, you're just grateful for the silence.

Scene 2:

Lunch break allows secretary Aliana and one of the office workers the chance to screw on the couch, which they do with gusto. A light-skinned black chick, Aliana's ability at cocksucking is excellent, though she's a bit more fun to watch as she's getting pumped, as her moderately fat tits bounce and swirl with each thrust, of which there are many, as the couple fuck like bunnies. An energetic cowgirl ride is the highlight of the scene, mainly because of the excellent view of each powerful penetration, though the enthusiasm Marcus shows in taking her from behind is welcome also. In the end, his aim is off though, as he blows his load mostly in her hair, instead of her waiting face.

Scene 3:

It's hard to say where this scene, in which one ofthe managers interviews a replacement for the recently fired Sally, goes wrong most. First off, it pairs off two women playing utter bitches, which is never fun. Secondly, it features some of the worst porno dialogue I've ever heard as these two big-breasted brunettes assault each other's cooches. But worst of all, it includes a sex act that can't possibly work as one girl climbs onto the other and "rides" her pussy. OK... I've seen lesbians scissor. Griding one gaping snatch into another is sure to elicit some pleasure. But here, their crotches barely even touch, but they are moaning like their G-spots have exploded. Fake orgasms is one thing. Invisible ones are simply unacceptable.

Scene 4:

If there's anything sexier than sex in a bathroom, I probably have seen it, because there are plenty of things sexier than sex in a bathroom, as this scene, in which the two applicants for Sally's job decided to blow off their interviews and fuck, explains clearly. There are also quite a few women more attractive than Eden, which makes this scene work less than the usual scene featuring a guy getting a blowjob on a public toilet. The sex is actually pretty good though, and would be much better if not for the older-looking lady involved, who reminds me of old naturalist films from the '70s. Fortunately, she's into it, and he's into her, so the fucking is fast and furious, and some under-sack angles make for a decent scene, especially when Eden's bent over a sink, so all you see is her pussy.

Scene 5:

Van finally gets in on the fun when he interviews Tera for the Executive Secretary job, and winds up boning her on his desk. Tera looks a bit like Lindsey Lohan as she's invaded with Van's short, unusually tapered,and unusually discolored shagcicle, which Tera takes in her snatch and mouth, equally with ease, despite a huge base. If only she seemed to actually want to fuck our man Van, since she can be seen absentmindedly adjusting her stockings as he hammers away. Later on, they manage to musterup a bit of heat, but it's all for naught, as once he busts a nut on her belly, you get a twist ending that will be frustrating to just about every man watching.

Audio/Video

The full-frame video is nice looking from beginning to end, though sometimes the shadows get a bit aggressive. The camera work gives a great view of each coupling, while the technical aspects of the video, including color and clarity of the image, are quite good for standard DVD.

The audio is your standard Dolby Digital 2.0 track, and it really does a great job of capturing the aural details, sometimes too well, as you'll understand if you hear the desk in the first scene or the dialogue in the third.

Extras

Though the box says you get Popshot on Demand, Pick your Pleasure, and Behind the Scenes Footage, all you get is an automatic slideshow of still photos, which is your usual collection of poses from the film.

Concluding Words

Disappointment over the lack of parody gave way to disappointment over the lack of hot sex on this DVD, whether because of bland action or average looking girls. The inclusion of the rather sexy Tera Wray was even nullified by having her act like a huge cunt. The lack of extras didn't help either. Keep moving and keep hoping that someone tries to make a better version of "The Orifice" some day.