Genre: Straight Feature/Drama

Director: Randy Spears

Cast: Stormy Daniels, Carly Parker, India Summer, Randy Spears, Derrick Pearce, Marco Banderas, Sascha, Marcus London

Length: 127 min

Production Date: 04/2008

Audio/Visual:

In a Nutshell - Well Done All Around

Professionally put together and very slick, the 1.85:1 anamorphic widescreen image looks excellent here. The transfer is terrific, with a great balance in the lighting and a nice control of colors and contrasts. The fleshtones look excellent and the direction really delivers. On the sound side, everything is easily discernible, and the music makes an impact but is not too intrusive.

Extras:

In a Nutshell - Lots of Good Bonus Material Offered

Aside from the feature itself, there are quite a few interesting bits of added content here. Sure, there's standard stuff like galleries and trailers, but there's also a bonus scene (from Bound ) featuring Ms. Daniels and Voodoo offering up cunnilingus, blowjob, reverse cowgirl, cowgirl, scissors, doggy, pile driver, and a $hot on the pussy. It's a great sequence, and captures the carnality we are about to witness with real precision. In addition, Mr. Spears walks us through the production via an interesting Behind the Scenes featurette. Toss in the standard Wicked XXX merchandising and some DVD-Rom materials and you've got a nicely packed hardcore product.

Condoms: Yes

First Impressions:

Old porn stars don't die - they just end up behind the camera. Over the last few years, the industry has seen famed performers like Jenna Jameson and Asia Carrera leave performing and, instead, champion the real moneymaking end of the business. Certainly, they still show up from time to time, but working as a director or producer (or distributor) takes up most of their time. Of course, age is the biggest reason for leaving the limelight. Even someone like Belladonna, only in her late '20s, is considered 'old' by hardcore standards. If you're not 'barely legal', you're barely working. This might explain why meat puppet master Randy Spears is taking up the auteur's mantle. Concentrating on character and dialogue, his noir-inspired thriller Two is an interesting experiment in mixing both the mainstream and the XXX mediums. It doesn't always work, but there are highlights on both sides of the entertainment issue. 

The Sex Scenes:

If you love Stormy Daniels (and the Dirge typically finds himself on the strong "like" side of the situation), then this DVD is for you. Spears knows how to showcase his star, and our buxom beauty truly delivers. Even in sheepish ingénue mode, she's incredibly alluring and downright enticing. Her co-stars match her well, whether it's Sascha and Derrick Pearce, or her straight and sex scenes boy toy Marcus London. With only fives sequences spread out over two hours, there's lots of room for plot and personality. If you're the kind of viewer who fast forwards through the story to get to the action, you'll get a good finger workout with Two. And your penis may be pleased as well.

Scene 1: Stormy Daniels, Sascha

Acts Performed: Kissing, Groping, Fingering, Titplay, Blowjob, Cunnilingus, Standing Doggy, Reverse Cowgirl, $hot on Tits, Oral Clean-up

Score: 3 out of 5

In her "bad girl" mode, Stormy turns on the aggression and gives Sascha all he can handle. Their pre-pork banter is steamy and suggestive, and when they finally get to grinding, you'll understand why Ms. Daniels remains one of the hottest XXX performers in the biz. From the way she moves to the manner in which she responds to certain positions, Stormy really sells this sequence. The ending, with its debt to the crime story elements of the plot, may put a few people off, but it's nice to see a woman taking control for once (even if it winds up being somewhat fatal for the fella).

Scene 2: Carly Parker, Marco Banderas

Acts Performed: Dildo Action, Masturbation, Blowjob, Deep Throating, Doggy, V to M, Cowgirl, Anal Reverse Cowgirl, Beer Bottle in the Ass, $hot on Face, Oral Clean-up

Score: 2.5 out of 5

As the films only bow to the free-for-all gonzo style of post-Internet porn, this pairing of Carly and Marco actually works - for a while. We enjoy seeing both performers losing themselves in the moment, and the hardcore action is really amplified by such a chemistry. But Spears allows things to get mindless and mechanical. It's up to Ms. Parker to rejuvenate things by sticking a tall one in her anus. Still, this is some ferociously fun fucking.

Scene 3: Stormy Daniels, Derrick Pearce

Acts Performed: Kissing, Titplay, Cunnilingus, Blowjob, Mish, Doggy, $hot on Tits, Oral Clean-up

Score: 2 out of 5

By this time, Stormy's serial killer persona is wearing a tad thin. We are far more interested in her meek, shy girl shtick and perceive the dangerous posturing as somewhat pathetic. Derrick doesn't help matters much - he's such an obvious horndog that you imagine his $hot will be nothing but mustard and relish. Together with the sports car backdrop, they try their best to pony up some passion. Sometimes, we can almost see it. At other instances, we grow weary of their carnal cat and mouse.

Scene 4: India Summers, Randy Spears

Acts Performed: Kissing, Foreplay, Blowjob, Cunnilingus, Reverse Cowgirl, Side Saddle, Doggy, $hot on Stomach

Score: 2.5 out of 5

Spears is a stud, even as he pushes 50. Ms, Summers is something to look at as well. Together, they should literally light up the screen. But something is amiss here, something The Dirge likes to call "casting couch" syndrome. No one is suggesting that anything unprofessional happened between the director and his actors, but it does seem weird when a porn star leaves the lens and steps up to get some trim. It appears oddly self-indulgent, as if maybe he (or she) couldn't leave the party without satisfying themselves. Still, the sequence is first rate and will definitely delight those who never think of such things. Maybe a better description of the problem would be "cramping the critic's style".

Scene 5: Stormy Daniels, Marcus London

Acts Performed: Kissing, Titplay, Cunnilingus, Nut Job, Blowjob, Mish, Scissors, $hot on Pussy

Score: 3.5 out of 5

Here it is, the moment we've been waiting for. Stormy is about to be delivered from her dreary life of innocence and Mr. London is going to provide the man meat to do it. Sensual, passionate, perfectly filmed and executed, the sizzling sequence suffers from only one drawback - it's too damn short. We want to see more of this pairing, especially since Spears has spent the entire movie setting it up. We're celebrating their love and want to see as much of a physical expression of same as possible. Note for future projects and XXX producers - Stormy and Marcus are excellent together. Someone needs to cast them in their next project ASAP.

Disco Dirge Peter Meter Rating: 3 out of 5 (Recommended)

Cohabitation Certification: Granted

As a mystery, Two just can't cut it. The script gets confused at the end, and the audience remains ambiguous over what all happened. As hardcore porn, director Randy Spears really turns up the heat. Four of the five scenes are very arousing indeed. If you're looking for something that will stimulate you intellectually as well as physically, this attempted mainstream movie will be a mixed bag. It is Recommended for how it avoids much of the medium's point and shoot slop jobbing, but also spends too much time on cinematic elements the penis pullers will scramble to avoid. Couples will find nothing to complain about, therefore, a Cohabitation Certification is easily awarded. Clearly, Randy Spears has a bright future as a filmmaker. He does a lot of things right in Two. Unfortunately, he can't overcome the genre's inherent need for nonstop nookie. Clearly, unsophisticated audiences need not apply.