Celebrity Pornhab with Dr. Screw

Red Light District

Genre: Parody

Penny Flame and Jack Vegas

Director: Maestro Claudio & Schlomo Mortichay

Cast: Penny Flame, Jack Vegas, Aiden Starr, Seth Dickens, Audrianna Angel, Kyle Stone, Mike Horner, Claire Dames, Crista Moore, Jordan Lane, Mary Carey, Lexxi Tyler

Length: 162:56 minutes

Aiden Starr and Seth Dickens

Date of Production: 3/6/2009, 3/7/2009, 3/8/2009

Extras: The best extra was the nudity laden Behind the Scenes feature lasting 21:54 minutes as shot by "Dex Magnum". There were bits from the scenes showing Claudio actively directing the cast members, some sex, and a moderate amount of nudity in between the usual interviews and tidbits. There was also a photogallery, some trailers, and a cumshot recap for those that care.

Condoms: None

Audrianna Angel with Kyle Stone and Mike Horner

Audio/Video Quality: Celebrity Pornhab with Dr. Screw was presented in the same 1.78:1 ratio anamorphic widescreen it was shot in by directors Maestro Claudio & Schlomo Mortichay for Red Light District, this standard definition release sporting an MPEG-2 codec with 480p resolution. Given the way the BTS showed Claudio as the director most of the time, I'll stick with the belief that this was his baby all the way, any advice or assistance he received from others merely a whisper of what he brought to the production. The lighting was solid in most scenes here, helping minimize the visual issues popping up at times. The composition of the shots seemed to enhance the look of most of the ladies, showing more improvement than most of his previous works. There were no obvious compression artifacts (though the bitrate hovered around the 2.9 Mbps range) so even the mastering of the DVD was handled well and some of you will appreciate the lack of the formerly displayed watermark of the company logo in the lower right hand corner of the screen during the show. The 2.0 Dolby Digital stereo (in 192 Kbps using a 48 kHz sampling rate) was in English but the actual audio appeared to be shot in monaural with the processing added later on (in the mastering part of the process). The vocals were generally clear but lacked any separation or dynamic range so this is an area that Claudio needs to work more on (just like most of his associates in the industry). The music starting each scene was really generic but that was probably the only real surprise for me in terms of negative technical matters, the rest being pretty decently handled.

Claire Dames, Crista Moore, and Jordan Lane

Body of Review: Red Light District has long been established as a gonzo production company so when it jumps on the popular bandwagon of features or parodies, people tend to dismiss it out of hand (and unreasonably). It has been years since they dabbled in features that were helmed by James Avalon (such as his Sunny Lane hit She Bangs! but given the economic troubles of the industry, they have decided to try their hand at the popular sitcum or parodies market with Celebrity Pornhab with Dr. Screw. For those of you that don't follow all the wacky reality television shows on cable and in syndication, this one set up a series of vignettes tying together a quasi-feature in the self help genre with Mike Horner portraying "Dr. Screw (the porno version of Dr. Drew Pinsky from Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew). Having caught a few bits of the original show being parodied, I'll admit that the porno version will probably have better acting, better direction, and better celebrities though in a twist of fate, at least a few of them have either been on the show or will be on a spin off sex rehab version later this year (Mary Carey and Penny Flame, respectively). The vignettes start out by introducing the thinly veiled celebrity's names and issues, such as Penny Flame portraying "Ditsy Blowhan", her second time acting like the celebrity reject for a comedy. I went into the movie looking for humor, great sex, and a passing attempt at spoofing the original show, surprising myself to find out it was a lot of fun. Here's a brief look at the scenes by cast and action, noting that no condoms were used for those still interested:

Lexxi Tyler and Mary Carey naked!

Scene One: Penny Flame, playing Ditsy Blowhan, was introduced first as a celebrity in need of an intervention, paired off with moper Jack Vegas, the guy playing Sniffy Sniffrock, a huge loser. The two celebrities got to outline why they were there and were soon shown in a room together, Sniffy looking for his lost stash but finding the benefits of Ditsy instead. The introduction was amusing thanks to Penny daring him to find his crack/freebase in her pussy. He stripped her pants off and ate her out, Penny reciprocating by blowing him aggressively. The oral showed some energy and despite a lack of chemistry between them, the scene worked as a result of the parody efforts. The vaginal banging showed equal determination by both of them to bump uglies too, Penny pushing back to meet his thrusts very heatedly. The scene ended with a facial and some dialogue, Penny winning out when all was said and done.

Scene Two: Aiden Starr, playing "Hillary Muff", was up next as she tried to deal with the aftermath of a drug induced coma killed her career. She was being examined by the doctor when she ditched him for Seth Dickens, the guy bringing her some booze and pills. Needless to say, the consumption of said drugs took awhile to calm her down, Aiden's role playing superior to that found in many other parodies. Seth felt her up and she lost her clothes as they went to the bed, the sex as her payback for his delivery made clear. She inhaled his cock aggressively and he ate her with flair, the pair soon banging like teenagers on Prom night. After several positions of getting off with some chemistry displayed, he launched a wad of genetic juice to her face that she then swallowed. Nice!

Scene Three: Audrianna Angel, playing a sexy nurse, was up next as she helped out Kyle Stone, the wheelchair bound guy acting grumpy until she found some drugs on him. There were some great booty shots up her skirt as she assisted wearing her stripper nurse outfit, some snorting of coke getting him in the mood to allow her to blow him. Her oral attributes were nice enough but it was the way she rode his cock that impressed me the most after Mike Horner joined in to give her a bone of his own to suck. The guys took turns getting head and banging her pussy, the energy displayed by the gal proving to be very appealing indeed. She was an active rider and the scene ended when they rubbed out loads of population pudding to her mouth and face.

Scene Four: Claire Dames, Crista Moore, and Jordan Lane, were up next after another rousing attempt at humor during the group sessions. Jordan (as a pumped up porno equivalent of Tito Ortiz) was working out when Claire and Crista joined him in the home gym to smoke some crack, leading to a champagne enema used on Claire. Crista let her push it out onto her face and the usual blowjobs and vaginal sex began, punctuated by anal sex thanks to Claire's open asshole. The ladies were all over him and each other during the scene too, some taste testing, foot fetish, and rough sex included to spice things up. There was a tiny bit of choking and more drug use included as well, a titty pop ending the sex though Claire sucked it up to use as a projectile. This was the hottest scene of the bunch even if a few others catered to the feature elements better.

Scene Five: Mary Carey, the semi-celebrity better known for her lame political run for office than anything else she's ever done, was up last with Lexxi Tyler on the couch. Lexi was the worst selection as "Tawny Kittaen" in the whole flick but she did an ample job of taking on Carey as a nurse, the lesbian action suitable for both of them. I think I might have liked it better without the use of toys but the fleshy dup seemed content with each other getting nasty, the eating of box, taste testing, and pawing all making it kind of fun.

Summary: Celebrity Pornhab with Dr. Screw by Red Light District shows that reports of the company being DOA have been somewhat exaggerated, the rough edges of the parody aspects weakening it only slightly for me thanks in large part to the superior casting and admittedly fun premise of the show. I rated it as Recommended though I came close to boosting it up a notch because the elements often worked so well together, so your mileage may vary upwards if you consider the replayability and strokability factors here. In short, Celebrity Pornhab with Dr. Screw surprised me at how much fun it was even if it was the epitome of low budget porn parodies, the lesson learned that a creative idea can prove most appealing to fans of the genre such as myself.