Not Married With Children XXX

X-Play/Hustler Video

Genre: Sitcum, Parody

Director: Will Ryder

Cast: Kagney Linn Karter, Barrett Blade, Kora Cummings, India Summer, Nick Manning, Alyssa Hall, Emy Reyes, Brooke Belle, Dane Cross, Madison Scott, Brad Hardy, Brittany O'Connell, Eric Swiss, Reno

Non-sex roles: Dino Bravo, Payton Leigh, Kimber James

Length: 133:13 minutes

Dates of Production: 3/4/2009, 3/5/2009, 3/6/2009, 3/7/2009, 3/9/2009, 3/10/2009, 3/11/2009

Extras: As always, the best extras were in the form of the various Behind the Scenes features showing the making of the movie, this time including five of them along with a related Bloopers Reel. BTS #1 (26:05 minutes), BTS #2 (24:15 minutes), BTS #3 (23:37 minutes), and BTS #4 (24:33 minutes) all showed footage of the performers and crew engaging in their jobs, some additional sex material included at times along with interviews. Unlike throwaway extras, these were at the heart of why the X-Play sitcums blow away the competition hands down in every comparison; showing the level of detail going into the movie. Nine days of shooting material that was in preproduction for months is a tough act to follow for those titles tossed off in a day or two on a whim but that's why those of you reading this are wise enough to know it's like comparing a Rolls Royce to a Ford; either car will get you where you're going but only one will do it in style and comfort (so yes, the X-Play sitcums are the Rolls Royce of the industry). The Bloopers Reel showed the cast screwing up for 9:33 minutes with their dialogue, a few trailers, and a slide show as well as the ability to replay the DVD intro. The Director/Producer Travelogue only lasted 13:50 minutes, Will Ryder and Scott David providing anecdotes on the making of the movie as well as some background of their productions in general (Eric Swiss making a better "Al Bundy" than Randy Spears ever could have or how Brittney O'Connell is back out of porn, perhaps Kylie Ireland, my first choice for the role of "Peg Bundy", able to step up to the plate for a sequel). And yes, it is fair to state that the pair are the current "Kings" of porn parodies by a wide margin, a few court jesters on the fringes showing some potential at this writing.

Kagney Linn Karter

Condoms: None

Audio/Video Quality: Not Married With Children XXX was presented in a crisp, anamorphic widescreen using a 1.78:1 ratio as shot by director Will Ryder for X-Play. The resolution was 480p on the SD version of the movie and the codec employed was the usual MPEG-2. The bitrate on the feature tended to hover around the 3.9 Mbps mark when I spot checked it, the "Kmart" lighting allowing for all the proper body equipment to be seen in motion easily but also mirror the look of the show itself. One of the things many directors have trouble with is properly lighting sitcums or features, especially when they are going to be compared to mainstream projects such as this one, but this was not an issue this time, Tim Studley's lighting making it easier to shoot the scenes. There were very few visual elements that were not very much in tune with making the movie look mainstream and the DVD appeared to handle them very well. Scott David as Art Director and Co-Producer again elevated the title substantially, providing the proper counterbalance to Ryder's dedicated visions of the shows. The editing by Mark "Nick" Dawop at Copper Digital (AKA: "the sixth floor guy" who also handled a variety of other technical aspects on the movie) was as upgraded as ever, the end result in a class by itself. The audio was presented in the usual 2.0 Dolby Digital English using a 192 Kbps audio bitrate and 48 kHz sampling rate. The vocals were decently recorded with few moments sounding like they were dubbed or otherwise looped. The theme song invoked memories of the mainstream hit too though it was completely different, adding to the fun.

India Summers and Nick Manning

Body of Review: Will Ryder & Scott David are the team responsible for all the better sitcum parodies on the porn market today, the parody craze that has been sweeping the market for some time now as one of the few profitable niches around. As their biggest consistent supporter and a guy willing to provide reasonable criticisms of their work (as well as the works of others), I take a bunch of heat from the wannabes out there that believe their titles are "just as good" but frankly, with every new title, the X-Play team distance themselves even further apart. Their latest title is Not Married With Children XXX and if ever a mainstream sitcom was perfect for the pornification process, it surely took advantage of the ten year long run of the once popular Fox Network series. "Married With Children" pushed the boundaries of what was acceptable to air on broadcast television, numerous episodes shot down for being too controversial or at least edited/pulled from rotation in syndication. The show starred a father trapped by circumstance in a crummy marriage to a big-haired redhead that spent his every last penny on junk, his tiny paycheck coming from his job selling shoes. The two children include a slutty teenage daughter and perverted loser of a son, the kind of trouble they got into every week the result of their finances, their manner for dealing with adversity, or their baser desires to score big by any means possible (always failing). In what has been billed as a reasonable facsimile of a "lost episode", the movie shows patriarch Al Bundy about to lose his job at the shoe store due to a hotshot new salesman making him look bad. Overlooking the fact that Al was always a lousy salesman in the series, the movie sets the stage for some Bundy scheming and payback, the sex along the way better than most sitcums have provided. On top of that, the entertainment value of the jokes and none sex portions was much higher than the competition, causing me to once again display my appreciation for those that "do it right" with a "Whoa X-Play!" Here's a brief look at the scenes by cast and action, noting that no condoms were used for those still interested:

Alyssa Hall, Brooke Belle, Emy Reyes, and Dane Cross

Scene One: Kelly Preps For Her Date: Kagney Linn Karter, the hotty playing Kelly in the show, was a fine piece of ass as she masturbated in her bed. Initially using a vibrator, she diddled herself to a juicy state with some dirty talk tossed in for good measure. The toy came back into play and she had a believable orgasm, the young lady being the only woman in the cast that could successfully start the show with a solo masturbation scene.

Al gets a "size 9" surprise by tranny Kimber James

Scene 1.5: Kelly's Biker Buddy: Kagney Linn Karter, on the couch at 3 AM blowing moper Barrett "Rocky" Blade, was then given a few moments of oral exhibition though it was not a full scene or even a full BJ only scene. I wish there was more but it helped establish the company as willing to build some tension without the need to complete it.

Madison Scott and Brad Hardy

Scene Two: Divorce Party Sex: India Summer, Kora Cummings, and Nick Manning, were up next at the bachelorette party. Nick was a stripper hired to help India (as "Marcy") get over her pending divorce, Kora stepping in to fluff the guy to completion in front of the other ladies. India and Nick went upstairs to the bedroom after that, the gal actively slobbing his knob like a champion before he reciprocated in kind on her snatch. She did a decent job in her role but the way she actively rode his cock vaginally was much more interesting to me here. It was a hardcore fuck and she took his wad of genetic juice to her mouth, not swallowing it but at least providing some post coital head to elevate the action in this chemistry filled scene.

Brittany O'Connell with Eric Swiss

Scene Three: Magic Spa: Alyssa Hall, Emy Reyes, Brooke Belle, and Dane "Bud Bundy" Cross, were up next at the hair spa, Bud stealing some VIP passes for special treatment at the high end spa. The gals were soon topless and wearing only thongs, undressing the loser to reveal a modest sized pecker as he kicked back in the chair. Brooke started blowing him while Allyssa and Emy kissed, the lesbian action by the secondary gals getting pushed to the background as lucky Bud got some loving. Brooke and Dane vaginally screwed in a few positions and sadly enough, the other two ladies ended up doing solo bits in separate chairs, their panty covered coochies probably glistening with juices as they watched the main event. Brooke took a large facial of population pudding here, Bud brought back to reality in humorous fashion.

Kagney Linn Karter with Reno

Scene Four: Shoe Store Heaven: Madison Scott, another curvy blond worthy of additional attention, was up next at the shoe store with Brad Hardy. He was showing "Al" some tips on closing the deal, sexy Madison losing her tight pants to provide Brad better access at her crotch. He ate her out and fed her some of her own juices, the gal getting into inhaling his pecker during an aggressively blowjob shot partially in POV fashion. Her tits bounced around and she reminded me a lot of an old favorite of mine, Julie Meadows (Brad could pass for a pornified Tom Hanks or Vincent Vaughn should a production need such a guy). In any case, Madison actively rode his cock as though scratching a deep itch, impaling herself soundly on the cock as though she was turned on by it. They ended up boning on the floor as she became increasingly loud, the gal kneeling before he rubbed out a load of spew to her face.

The Main Cast

Scene Five: Peg & Al Get Fucked: Brittany O'Connell, playing a visibly accurate "Peg Bundy" as seen on the front cover, was up next in bed with Eric "Al Bundy" Swiss, the couple trying out some "mints" used by his rival at the shoe store to bend women to his will. Brittany was a pretty big name back in her day (in the early 1990's) for her sexual skills, her cock sucking prowess such that she proved she still had it going on. She then moved her leg over his head to straddle his face, Eric eating her out as she continued blowing him in the 69 position. They then started vaginally boning, Brittany pushing back to meet his thrusts, departing from the television show in how long he lasted but serving her up a decent load of semen all over her upper torso just the same.

The Media Accolades

Scene Six: Is That A Prisoner Or Are You Just Happy To See Me?: Kagney Linn Karter, the beautiful blue eyed hotty playing "Kelly", was up last as she helped pull off her father's plan, resulting in her celebrating with escaped convict Reno, the man perfect for the role. They kissed once he finished removing the handcuffs, the guy soon moving down to lick her snatch by pushing aside her light purple panties. He rimmed her too and she provided some dirty talk, Kagney kneeling to blow him in a seductive manner. While some of it was handled in POV fashion, she also gave him a titty fuck, warming up for several vaginal positions where she actively rode him. Her perfect ass looked great up in the air and while she didn't do anal, her perfect pucker looked quite inviting, the gal; sucking him clean intermittently, the ending oral eliciting a wad of semen that left her with a semen goatee.

The extras

Summary: Not Married With Children XXX by director Will Ryder for X-Play was another top notch hit sitcum destined for some attention at awards time. Given the strength of the sex and entertainment value here, I hope several sequels are made as this one was as strong as Not The Cosbys XXX; the only real competition it should have when the awards are being passed out. In terms of the acting kudos, Eric Swiss was a great choice for the role of Al Bundy, Kagney Linn Karter the hottest piece of ass perfect for the role of Kelly, and all the others reasonably suited for their roles. Sexually, this sitcum had the most consistently warm scenes in recent memory, the editing, lighting, and other technical matters helping to pull off the "look" of the show as much as Scott David's extensive work on set. While I think the movie deserved a double disc release, I cannot deny that it merited a rating of Xcritic Pick for the total package of extras, sex, casting, and entertainment value; the show another feather in the cap of the guys from X-Play. In short, while Not Married With Children XXX might have had some minor quirks and rough edges to be worked out, it should definitely be on your short list for buying a copy if you have even the slightest interest in porn parodies, or sitcums as they are called these days. Others have tried to spoof the Bundy clan in the past but none have come close to this one, elevating the bar much like the Cosby parody did earlier this year. There may be bigger budget comedies available and gonzo titles with more sexual fuck for the buck but there has been nothing released in the last year from competitors that beat this one, the loving tribute aspects something that only two guys regularly get right, the guys from X-Play. Good work!