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This Ain't Celebrity Fit Club Boot Camp XXX

Hustler Video

Genre: Sitcum Porn Parody

The Ladies

Director: Dirty Dan

Cast: Breanne Benson, Dale DaBone, Sadie West, Otto Bauer, Violet Monroe, Marco Banderas, Briana Blair, Rocco Reed, Lea Lexus, Nick Manning, Alec Knight

Length: 132:07 minutes

Date of Production: 2010

Extras: There was some spam, a slide show, more spam, some trailers, and then a 14:16 minute long Behind the Scenes feature. The BTS was mostly interview material, nothing special but worth a quick look.

Condoms: None

Breanne Benson

Audio/Video Quality: This Ain't Celebrity Fit Club Boot Camp XXX was presented in a colorful 1.78:1 ratio, anamorphic widescreen, offering as shot by director Dirty Dan for Hustler Video using the 480 resolution and MPEG-2 codec typical of standard definition projects. There appeared to be an attempt to do this one quickly but in a fun manner, paying closer attention to the sets, the clothing, and other visual elements of the movie than some of the other company efforts. The editing wasn't as skillfully made as the best genre efforts but it was comparable to a pornified version of the reality television show's also-weak editing, the video bitrate hovering in the 5.4 Mbps area most of the times I looked. The flick had few compression artifacts, only a bit of noise & edge enhancement, and proper lighting to assist in making the movie look more like the original show, the admittedly minimalist scenarios about what I expected. In short, in terms of the visual aesthetics, this title fell short of the original volume in the series but wasn't bad at all, similar to most works in the sitcum genre. The audio was presented in a 2.0 Dolby Digital English with a 224 Kbps audio bitrate and 48 kHz sampling rate, the uncredited script seeming to be scribbled out while shooting the movie rather than making good use of the aural aspects of the show.

Sadie West

Body of Review: Dirty Dan has been around the porn world for awhile both as a director and performer, never really making a big mark but managing to entertain a few folks in his better days. Hustler Video has now given him a trial run as director in their quest to dominate the parody sitcum market, hiring him to direct This Ain't Celebrity Fit Club Boot Camp XXX. The original show is one of those lame ass reality shows that take mediocre celebrities of varying popularity, typically washed up and on the skids, that have become too fat and force them to lose weight in order to win the show; sort of a spinoff on the "Biggest Loser" show. In this pornified version, the dynamic was turned on its head to require the ladies to add weight, the tentative assessment being the ladies lacked the booty necessary to please the men. While it sounded like a lame show to parody, let's face it that the show parodies itself just fine, the chance to see ladies like Breanne Benson and Sadie West is not completely without merit. Here's a brief look at the scenes by cast and action, noting that no condoms were used for those still interested:

Violet Monroe

Scene One: Breanne Benson, the blond featured on the right side of the front cover, was up first in her cover outfit, Dale DaBone playing a chef trying to assist her in gaining some well needed weight. He kissed her ass and brought her a pie, the gal tasting it and feeding some to him before he removed her panties to sample her own confectionary delight. Her top came next and after he warmed her up properly, he whipped out his pecker for her to start sucking, placing some of the pie filling on it to enhance her culinary experience. She was no stranger to giving head and did so slowly, savoring the moment as she slobbed his knob, working his modest cock inside of her mouth and hand. She was passive during the missionary but more active riding him in cowgirl variations, the taste testing punctuating the experience. They continued along this line and he rubbed out a nut of genetic juice on her crotch, replacing the semen with more of the pie filling for her to enjoy.

Briana Blair

Scene Two: Sadie West, the sexy brunette featured on the left side of the front cover, was up as drill instructor Otto Bauer used a sex toy to encourage her to eat a cooked bird. She bit at it and was next seen with the toy plunging inside of her pussy, his cock being stroked by his hand until she worked him into her mouth for a solid blowjob. Her hand to mouth coordination was great and she managed to throat him well enough, gagging a bit while pushing her limits but at least she seemed clear of the hazed look she has been notable for last year. She was also more active during the cowgirl positions but her aural skills left something to be desired, the pornish moans going overboard as Otto porked her soundly. The scene seemed short and ended as expected, Otto jerking off to her mouth for her to swallow the population pudding, the cutie not gaining any weight as a result but at least establishing her love of "meat".

Lea Lexus

Scene Three: Violet Monroe, a plain looking redhead with a scrawny body, was up next in the doctor's office but he was busy eating his carbs so orderly Marco Banderas took over for him. She was naked and he tested her vital signs, blowing bubbles as she laughed until he started sexually caressing her. The contrast between their skin tones was marked but she was more than happy to drop down and suck him off, looking up from time to time to see the impact it had on the fellow. He went straight into her ass from there, drilling her passive body hard as she cried out in a mixture of pleasure and pain. She did some ATM between positions and the scene lasted awhile, Marco dropping his wad of semen into her mouth and onto her face when she got back on her knees.

The effects between scenes were interesting.

Scene Four: Briana Blair, a bleach blond lounging out by the pool in her blue one piece suit, was up next with scolding Rocco Reed, the man questioning her manner of gaining weight by eating healthy vegetables. She kissed him and asked if he would assist her further, his cock stuffed in her mouth giving her the answer she sought as she gazed deep into his eyes while slobbing his knob. The outdoor lighting assisted in making her look her best, her perfect pucker stuck high in the air as the camera viewed her from behind. As she jerked him off into her mouth, she made little moans and gasps for air too, throating his modest dick as she slowly continued. He kissed her when she asked for help out of the outfit, his response to do so quickly before penetrating her pussy in doggy and cowgirl, the taste testing by the young lady included. She was not as energetic as could be but she was an active rider in various positions, Rocco unleashing his seed on her upper torso at the end for her to taste.

Scene Five: Lea Lexus, a foreign bleach blond giggling about her inability to gain weight, was up next in a living room ready to service Nick Manning, Alec Knight, and Otto Bauer. Nick was in his usual persona and Alec continued his doctor routine, the men alternating between her pussy and mouth as they circled around her. She aggressively rode cock and taste tested their rods in numerous positions too, switching to anal and even a DP as Nick shouted his loud mouth verbiage. Rather than stay airtight though, she seemed to prefer two dicks at a time, offering them full service as they gave her what she seemed to like giving. The men ended it but jerking off to her face but she really wasn't into swallowing as suggested, spitting out the sperm from her mouth so glazed by their wealth of semen.

Summary: This Ain't Celebrity Fit Club Boot Camp XXX by director Dirty Dan for Hustler Video was one of the weaker efforts of the "This Ain't..." series, the original show obscure enough that most of the nods to it were dismissible and the failure to try to parody some of the loser's on the many seasons of the show (technically, I think only one season called itself "Boot Camp" though) reduced the value of the parody. Still, the oral and vaginal action of most scenes merited a look if you like the cast so I assigned it a rating of Rent It even if it should have been tossed back for retooling. In short, This Ain't Celebrity Fit Club Boot Camp XXX had a cute enough premise but failed again in execution, a common enough occurrence in the recent parody craze but there was still enough to rub a wad of genetic juice to if you pay close attention.