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Garnet Joyce

Talking it Out

One of the most amazing things about my wife is that if there is something I want to discuss with her or work on changing in our relationship or even just something fun to add to the bedroom I can just tell her that I want to address it, give her a few weeks, and she'll come back to me with a pretty well thought out response. And its usually exactly what I was hoping for. She's not so great at the shit-that's-happening-right-now stuff, but she is great with the longterm stuff.

For example: foot fetishes. A few months ago I decided that I wanted to be getting regular pedicures because I found this great place that had awesome massage chairs and rubbed my feet and calves. Also, I like having pretty feet. Sure I can justify doing this regularly because I definitely need the relaxation, but its even more fun if my wife also has a foot fetish. I told her it would be awesome if she could acquire one and we could work on it together. A couple weeks go by and she tells me that she has been fantasizing about my feet non-stop. Before she had just thought that my feet were cute, but now, now they were hot. She had thought of foot worship, kissing and licking my feet, and even foot penetration. She's just great like that.

A couple weeks ago I had brought up the possibility of opening up our relationship. I really didn't expect her to have thought about it that much or to even bring it up again. She tends to be pretty darn jealous, which can be cute or annoying depending on the situation. But several times this weekend she actually brought it up to me. And she's thinking positively!

One of our biggest concerns about our relationship is the fact that many many relationships end because a partner cheats. We do not want this to happen to us. And we realize how extremely unlikely it is that we'd be able to remain completely monogamous for the rest of our lives. One way to circumvent this is to have a more open relationship where we may not necessarily seek out sexual relationships with others, but if they happen they happen. But we will see what the future holds.

She actually was a little excited about the prospect of opening up our relationship. It turns out, not so surprisingly, that she'd really like to see a professional dominatrix and possibly an escort (believe it or not, just to talk to). Both of these would be pretty far down the line though as we wouldn't be able to fit such things into our budget.

We talked about the possibility of setting guidelines as well. For me, I can be totally okay with my wife seeing other women, but I always need to feel like I am the most important. Not feeling like the most important person in her life is actually what drove us into monogamy in the first place. The rules I have in mind so far include always making it home in time to sleep with each other (when not out of town obviously) and she wouldn't be allowed to have sex with my friends. However, her rules are a bit different because we have a very different view of our friendships and how they coexist in our relationship. I had to actually ask her if it was okay if I had sex with her friends and unsurprisingly, she said she would prefer me to have sex with her friends. We also talked about the fact that we would have to use protection with all of our other partners. Protection would include condoms, gloves, and dams. There are other guidelines that need to be set, but we've just started the process.

For those of you in open relationships, what rules/guidelines have you set?

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