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Ossiana Tepfenhart

10 Ways to Get Into Kink (When You're Totally New To It)

Take a good look back at the last time you saw Hollywood portray kink or BDSM in a movie, TV show, or book. If you remember it, you probably recall the writers making kinksters out to be an underground group of people who are all into extreme BDSM. It’s a TV trope that often gets tossed in for comedic relief, or for shock value—or for both. 


Hollywood has a way of warping the truth, and their treatment of kink is an excellent example of this. Many people across the world now feel like kink has to be something you’re “invited to” or “exposed to” by someone else before you can truly say you’re into it. This is just not true! 


You can get into kink any time, even if you don’t have a partner to explore it with. If you have always been curious about the wild, fetish-y side of sex, you can start experimenting today. Here’s how you can explore your kinky side safely, happily, and without judgment from others. 

Ambriel Willow being submissive

  1. Think about your fantasies to find if there’s something unusual that sticks out. I’m a believer that kink is often innate. You probably already know what fetishes and kinks turn you on, even if you haven’t experimented with it yet. 

    Take a look at the things that you’ve masturbated to lately. Did it involve used panties? Fantasies about a threesome? Fantasies involving biting or whipping? If so, you found some kinks to explore.
  2. Watch fetish porn to see what turns you on. From what I’ve seen, a lot of the best kinks and fetishes are ones you accidentally discover. For example, I didn’t realize I was into fireplay until I saw a video with it. If you want to discover new kinks, check out porn videos that involve them. 
  3. Order a sex toy that actually works with the fetishes you’ve found. Once you have a small list of kinks you want to try out, it’s time to gear up for solo play. A good place to start doing this would be Adam and Eve, which has all the basic gear you need for light kink. Here are a couple of tips for newbie shoppers:
    1. Reviews matter. Not all sex toys are created equal. Read reviews to find out if it’s worth buying, and if it’s actually made out of quality goods. 
    2. Choose your materials wisely. The safest materials are silicone and tempered glass. Plastics can be porous, which can cause serious infections. 
    3. If you’re doing anal, start small. You don’t want to hurt yourself. 
    4. If it’s going in you, buy lube that’s appropriate for your toy. See above. 
  4. Have a frank talk with your partner about trying things out. It’s totally natural to want to enjoy kink with your significant other. Talk to them, and see how they react. You might be surprised at how kinky they want to get if you educate them about it. 
  5. If you’re not sure how your partner will react, start a dialogue by showing them a movie or book that turns you on. Many, many vanilla couples got into kink and BDSM through 50 Shades of Grey. This book may not be very accurate about how BDSM relationships are, but it still gets the ball rolling in many cases. 
  6. Read up about it. Every fetish has its own safety tips and rules. Not following them can cause lasting mental and physical damage. Before you give it a try, educate yourself on how to perform it properly. Otherwise, you’re going to have a bad time. 

    You really should look at reputable online sites and books that tell you about your kink in detail—ideally, books that are written by long-term lifestylers, pro dommes, or professional sexperts. They tend to offer the best advice when it comes to kink play. Knowledge is power!
  7. Get something sexy and kinky to wear. The fun thing about getting kinky clothing is that it can be incredibly subtle—or downright extreme. Either way, the clothes often do make the kink.

    You can be kinky in solo play by just wearing some subtly fetish-themed wear. Personally, I enjoy wearing leather because it helps me show my dominant side. I also know of others who will wear corsets under their work wear, or who will wear pantyhose just because it gives them that sexy vibe they adore. 
  8. Get into the fetish community. Just because you don’t know any kinksters IRL doesn’t mean you have to fly solo. Sites like Fetlife exist solely for the ability to talk to other people who share your fetish, and in many cases, you can find good kink partners through these forums. 
  9. Talk to specialty camgirls about your kink, and play with them! A person who is new to kink would be very wise to harness the power of the internet to connect with others who might be able to help guide them on their path to sexual self-discovery. Camgirls are great for this! 

    The cool thing about being a patron to cam models who specialize in kinks and fetish work is that they offer a level of interaction that you normally wouldn’t get. This means that you would be able to ask questions, act out certain fantasies with a partner, and also just dip your toes into the fetish world safely. 
  10. Try your kink solo, if you can. Once you have read up on your kink, learned how to get into it safely, and have the supplies you need in order to get into it, you can try it out. Most kinks can, at least partly, be done with only one person. 

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