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Naked Aces (Blu-Ray)

Studio: Digital Playground » Review by The Mooninite » Review Date: 3/28/09

XCritic's Advice: Skip It

The Movie:

The first of the (so far) five Naked Aces films is a valiant effort on the part of Digital Playground and their work horse director Robby D.. The film attempts to satirize and parody modern over the top action films like Smokin' Aces (the film from which this puppy obviously cribs its moniker) but the humor is pretty lame, relying mainly on the novelty of seeing porno stars running around with fake guns, spouting really tired dialogue and wearing dopey costumes and mullet wigs.

Granted, not all porn has to be or needs to be high art - there's definitely room for funny porno movies, companies like Burning Angel and Vivid Alt tend to do it well, but when the humor isn't funny and the action scenes as limp as an old man's dick, you wind up with unfocused and diluted sex scenes. This one just didn't do it for me, and given this reviewers unfading appreciation of all things Shay Jordan, it kinds hurts to admit it.

Regardless, here's a rundown of who fucks who and who they do it:

Scene 1 - Shay Jordan And Tommy Gunn: Tommy's a ninja who gets caught by a machine gun touting Shay, who really does look good in a pink bikini. She ties up his arms and then sits on his face for a few minutes. She flips him over and rides him cowgirl style before getting down on all fours and letting him fuck her from behind. They spoon fuck for a bit and then she takes him into her mouth and sucks him to a facial finish. This scene is pretty meh. Shay looks great as always but the fake funs and dumb dialogue take us out of the moment. And Tommy looks ridiculous in a ninja suit (though that's probably the point).

Scene 2 - Austin Kincaid And Scott Nails: Scott's stroking himself when Austin opens fire at him. She's a pretty shitty shot, however, and soon enough she's got his cock way down her throat. He sucks on her tits and they get naked. He fucks her doggy style and she rides him cowgirl and reverse cowgirl style. He pulls out and finishes up on her face. Austin's got a pretty face and a nice ass but her fake tits look ridiculous when she's riding him, they don't move at all and that's creepy.

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Scene 3 - Kimberly Franklin And Mick Blue: Kimberly starts out in a bikini but once she and Mick hop into bed it quickly comes off of her, revealing another pair of really fake balloon sized monster tits. Undaunted by the silicone in front of him, Mick dives in and eats her out and she returns the favor with what looks like a pretty good blowjob. She fingers herself while she sucks him off and then gets on all fours for some doggy style fun, showing off her ass nicely enough. He pulls out after a few more positions and jerks himself off onto her tits. Again, the fake boobs are a problem for me, it's hard to look past it when they're so obvious. That said, Kimberly does have a nice face and a pair of sexy eyes that are framed quite enticingly by her long dark hair. She's a good looking girl and she fucks like a champ.

Scene 4 - Ryaan Reynolds And Scott Nails: Ryaan struts around in a slinky blue bikini when this scene starts off. She gets naked and shows off her tits, which are refreshingly real and quite fun to look at. She gives Scott head while he picks his nose (if that sexy? No. It's not.) and she rides him cowgirl and reverse cowgirl style before getting fucked from behind. Scott withdraws his manhood and blows his wad all over her face. Ryaan looks good here but the acting is atrocious and overshadows her sex appeal. Scott's done up like a hillbilly and it's distracting and unappealing even if Ryaan is a sexy little thing with a really pretty face and an ass you want to try bouncing quarters off of.

Scene 5 - Whitney Stevens And Marco Banderas: Whitney starts this scene off with a bikini and some aviator shades on but before you now it the bikini is gone and only the shades remain. Marco sucks on her bit tits and then she gives him a nice looking blowjob. She's a little chubbier than the other girls in this movie, but in a really good way, she's got a bit more bounce to her and some really nice curves in all the right places. They get naked and he fucks her cowgirl style. He strokes for her a bit and then she gets on all fours and he fucks her up the ass while she works her clit with her fingers in what is undoubtedly the hottest part of the movie. He pulls out and he blows his load on her face as she helps him along with some tongue and mouth action.

The five scenes don't deviate much from one another here, only the fifth and final ones really tries anything the other's don't by throwing some anal action into the mix. If the acting and story didn't' get in the way of the sex or were good enough that we didn't mind them getting in the way of the sex t his could have been a winner but that isn't the cast. I can respect what Robby D. was going for here, it just didn't do it for me. It came off as half assed and poorly done.



Naked Aces looks very good in this 1080p VC-1 1.78.1 anamorphic widescreen transfer. Detail levels are pretty strong throughout though there are some times where the skin tones look a little bit on the pinkish side - this could be a result of the lighting and might have been an intentional choice on the part of the filmmakers, however, as there are certainly a few scenes that have been lit to give them a certain 'noirish' look. There aren't any issues at all with compression artifacts or edge enhancement anywhere to be seen. Eagle-eyed viewers may spot just a hint of shimmer here and there but you do have to be looking for it to notice it and generally the movie looks very good in HD.


The sole audio track on this Blu-ray release is a 48 kHz 384 kbps Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround Sound mix in English. While it would have been nice to see a Dolby TrueHD or DTS-HD mix included to really take advantage of the format, this standard definition surround sound mix gets the job done nicely. There isn't much rear channel activity except for the score but the music does sound nice and crisp. Levels are well balanced throughout the production and the dialogue is always easy enough to follow and understand.


Motion menus, a photo gallery, trailers, a web link and scene selection are the only supplements on this release - unimpressive!

Final Thoughts:

Despite some valiant effort from a few of the female performers in the feature, Naked Aces just doesn't work. It's not funny, it's not exciting, and those qualities spill into the five sex scenes that make up the bulk of the running time. The Blu-ray looks great and sounds good but the supplements are little more than advertisements. Skip it.

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