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Oh Those Nurses

Studio: Cal Vista Classic » Review by The Mooninite » Review Date: 6/15/09

XCritic's Advice: Recommended

The Movie:


Directed by C.C. Williams in 1982, his directorial debut, this film begins when some thuggish looking soldiers played by David Morris and Mike Feline head into the woods where they find perky and pretty Diana May in a rather randy mood. She takes her top off and fondles herself for them and before you know it this rather harsh looking blonde is sucking cock like it's going out of style. She blows one dude while the other fucks her from behind and goes at this for quite some time until both guys are well taken care of, each one getting a chance to fuck her missionary style before it's all over and done with.

We head indoors after that opening scene where General Wastemail (Jack Teague) is bellowing orders out of his wheelchair. It seems that to commemorate the fourth anniversary of the battle of Hamburg the old coot has arranged for the students from the nearby school of nursing to swing by and take care of his battle hardy troops. You see, America owes these boys a debt and while not every citizen may realize that, the horny student nurses certainly do and are more than happy to do their civic duty. This gives way to a whole lot of fucking and sucking without much need for further plot development though there are some really bizarre and completely inappropriate stock photos of men at war used to make a strange recreation of what we're lead to believe was the battle that these guys are celebrating the anniversary of.

Moving right along, Nurse Bobbie Burns takes it upon herself to show some affection to soldiers Mike Feline and Ron Jeremy who feign illness to get her attention. She starts the healing process by stroking Mike's dick. She goes down on him while Ron moves in from behind and eats her out while she's bent over. Ron fucks her for a bit while she keeps working on Mike until he blows his load into her mouth. Ron pulls out and shoots his goop onto the top of her ass to finish the scene.

Meanwhile in the next room, another wounded soldier played by R. Bolla gets some sexual healing in the form of a handjob from a nurse played by Suzzanna Ash. A little while later, she's climbed on top of him and is riding him cowgirl style before showing some initiative and rolling over so that he can fuck her missionary style and give the camera a better look. He spoon fucks her and then she gives him head until he blows his load into her mouth.

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With the action still kicking along nicely, a nurse finds an ailing veteran in dire need of some head. She sucks him off and eats his cum in a quick scene that soon leads into the next one where David Morris and Ron Jeremy set their sights on lovely Lysa Thatcher. Ron eats her out while she gives David head and then Ron changes it up a bit by fucking her from behind. This goes on for a while as Ron pounds her while she sucks David off and works his dick with her tits until she gets on her back and David fucks her missionary style while she sucks Ron off. David pulls out and comes onto her tits and then Ron shoots his load onto her face and into her mouth.

In the next scene, Jerry Butler is getting into drag when Merle Michaels comes into the room. They talk for a bit and then she sits on top of him and rides him cowgirl style, both of them in stockings, it's pretty weird. He bends her over and fucks her from behind, doggy style, and then Ron Jeremy walks into the room. Wearing a hula skirt, Ron slips his schmeckle out and into Merle's mouth for some attention. She sucks him to a finish while Jerry keeps pounding away until they both finish for her.

The final scene gathers everyone together for a big USO style show, with Ron and Jerry in hulagirl attire much to the delight of Jack Teague. Once the show is over, the dirty old man gets his chance with all of the girls at the same time as he busts out into an orgy with, Lori Palmer, Merle Michaels, Suzzanna Ash, and of course, lovely Lysa Thatcher. Jack eats an insane amount of pussy and gets his cock lodged into each one of the ladies as this lengthy scene plays out, eventually fucking one or two in the ass until he blows his load and ends the scene and essentially the feature as well.

Oh, Those Nurses turns out to be good fun. The film moves along at a good pace and features not shortage of steamy sex. Some girl on girl action might have spiced things up a bit (the orgy scene, despite having a great line up of beautiful girls in it, doesn't really go there) but aside from that, this is a well shot picture with a very attractive female cast and some genuinely funny comedic bits as well. The war montage doesn't quite fit with the rest of the movie but it just adds to the film's quirky charm - every good porno deserves at least one head scratching moment, right? The guys are all having a good time here and kudos to Jack Teague for giving it good to the girls in the final scene despite the fact that he looks to be at least twice their age.



This fullframe transfer, which appears to present the film in its original aspect ratio, looks okay for an old XXX film from 1982, particularly when you consider that it was shot on video. The unfortunate decision to add a 'Copyright VCX 2009' bug in the bottom of the image during a few key scenes is also a strike against the disc, as it is a little annoying when it continues to pop up (it rears its ugly head at least three times), but other than that, the interlaced transfer is acceptable even if colors are a bit faded and the darker scenes lose a fair bit of fine detail. Expect a bit of softness and some mild film grain but overall things look surprisingly good here.


The Dolby Digital Mono soundtrack is a little muffled and not of the best quality, but again, it's taken from an older source so the limitations of the era's technology are going to be there when that's the case. Dialogue is pretty easy to understand, however, and the background music comes through reasonably clear. There aren't a lot of sound effects used in the film, mostly just some random moaning and groaning during the action scenes and these are handled just fine, as are the talkier bits of the movie.


Aside from some tacky animated menus, VCX has included four bonus scenes, the first of which is from Bad Girls II and features Ron Jeremy playing a cop who brings in a hot redhead played by Jaqueline Lorians. She lets him watch her masturbate and then they get it on. The second scene is from Little American Maid, a feature from 1986 that once again stars Ron Jeremy. Here he plays a handyman who gets it on with blonde Deidre Hopkins. The third bonus scene is from Suzie Superstar and it stars Shauna Grant and Ron Jeremy. Shauna takes off her top and drops to her knees to give Ron head. She sucks him off for a while and he strokes off onto her ample and lovely cleavage. The final bonus scene is from Expose Me Now and, believe it or not, it stars Ron Jeremy. Here he fucks Danielle after she slaps his ass with a ruler. Brooke Bennett masturbates while she watches them fuck.

Also included is a Legendary Tribute bit, which is basically just a five minute montage of clips from various old porno movies. Rounding out the extras are trailers are a picture of the original box art, a slideshow featuring some production stills and glamour shots of the cast in action, and trailers for Pleasure Palace, Eruption, Suzie Superstar and Tramp as well as some animated menus, scene selection and a web-link.

Final Thoughts:

Oh, Those Nurses is as fun and as sexy as a good vintage porno movie should be and VCX has done a nice job with their restored transfer, even if their 'bugging' practice is a bit of a slap in the face to people who support their efforts and something that really should be stopped out of respect to their customer base. But I digress, this is a fun movie and it comes recommended, particularly for those of you out there who find women in nurse's uniforms attractive.

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