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Alone For You

Studio: Abbywinters.com » Review by Garnet Joyce » Review Date: 1/31/10

XCritic's Advice: Skip It

Genre: Solo female masturbation

Director: None, cameras are set up and left for the masturbators to turn on and off.

Cast: Joanie, Julia, Caitlin, Vicky, Mia, Khristine, Jade, Alice, & Jessica

Length: 123 minutes

Production Date: February 2 and April 6 of 2009

Extras: Previews for other masturbation movies and girl/girl movies by abbywinters.com. Honestly, this is probably the best part of the whole DVD. I apparently prefer their greatest hits in a short montage rather than the long drawn out masturbation sessions of the DVD.

Safer Sex: The safest sex you can have is with yourself!

Audio/Video Quality: HD Widescreen. Everything is well lit and well shot (as well as you can shoot on a motionless tripod) and the sound quality is great. The sound quality is actually a little too good sometimes. You can tell that they turn it way up so you can hear the moaning of the women, but that also means you can hear their rustling too. Who knew that sheets could be so loud?

Overview: There is no plot here. Its just women who set up cameras and then masturbate in front of them. Sound good? Well its not. Its amazingly boring. There are 9 women in this video and they all masturbate in extremely similar ways and even 8/9ths of them are brunette. By the end you're not really sure you would be able to tell these ladies apart. That is if you make it to the end. Somewhere around the middle I started to come up with a list of realistic things I rather be doing with my time. Realistic because no one would really rather get a root canal than watch really boring porn. However, I would rather do the dishes, clean my room, go to my boring ass accounting job, hang out with annoying people for a few hours, watch porn that isn't hot at all but is at least funny or entertaining, read a textbook, or do my taxes. Several of these things I actually did do instead of watching the porn because it was torture I tell you. And it isn't that I don't like watching people masturbate. I definitely enjoyed both Barcelona Sex Project and Raw Straight Up (bottom of the page). But they actually interviewed the masturbators. You got to know them a bit and know their fantasies and what they thought about when they masturbate and how it feels. Also, they all masturbated a little differently. It was just much more interesting than this was. Also, does no one in Australia own a friggin sex toy? 9 women masturbating and they all did it by hand!

Scene 1: Joanie

Joanie starts off spread eagle on the couch in some bright orange panties. There's some rubbing, some shallow penetration, and some nipple pinching. At one point I'm pretty convinced that she's going to fall asleep, but eventually she cums. The whole thing lasts 18 minutes.


Scene 2: Julia

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Julia also starts on a couch, but she's facing the other direction so we don't really get to see her pussy at all. There's rubbing, some humorous struggle to get out of her dress, some more rubbing and an orgasm. She is the only woman of color in the movie, but like all the rest of them she is also a brunette. This scene lasts 9 minutes.

Scene 3: Caitlin

We find Caitlin on the floor supposedly asleep. She wakes up from her little nap and starts to masturbate. And apparently she is the only one who thought ahead enough to actually wear matching bra and panties. A very cute set at that. There's clit rubbing and penetration. She gets pretty into it and then orgasms. Oh and she's brunette. The scene lasts 10 minutes.

Scene 4: Vicky

Vicky makes the mistake of masturbating in a leather chair. It seems like a good idea at first as it is a rather sexy piece of furniture, but with every move the chair makes unsexy noises. She starts off wearing a cute floral dress. When she removes it she almost falls out of her chair. She has disturbingly neon pink nail polish and I cannot pay attention to anything else as it is hard to not look at. But you know the basics: rub rub orgasm. Oh and she's brunette. This scene is 7 minutes.

Scene 5: Mia

Mia starts off with a mattress on the floor in a dirty room. Yes, we have moved from classy (yet unsexy) leather chair to a dirty room. Mia wastes no time. She takes her clothes off right away and gets down to business. Yet that business lasts longer than many of the other women and she cums in 13 minutes. Also, she is brunette.

Scene 6: Khristine

Yes, with an h. Khristine starts off in a really low chair in a purple dress and brightly colored undies. She is also brunette of course, but this time she has short hair! Wow a change! How ... refreshing. There's rubbing and some penetration. You know the drill. There's cumming and it all lasts 9 minutes.

Scene 7: Jade

Jade starts out on a towel on the floor in a bathroom. She's wearing a pink tank top and tight jeans. And this scene is the one where i was starting to get close to wanting to kill myself. You can tell from my random notes that say things like "rub rub rub omg boring." But yeah you know she rubs and stuff and then cums. The whole thing lasts a whopping 21 minutes. And you know she enjoys herself and that's great, but I started wondering if I could pull off not watching anymore of this DVD. Oh and she's brunette.

Scene 8: Alice

You knew it had to be coming soon. Our only non-brunette! She is in fact a red head and a cute one at that. She also does things a bit differently than a lot of our ladies have done so far. Most of the previous women took a position to masturbate in and stuck with it. Not Alice! At first I was excited that she was moving around a bit more. But then she kept moving. Like every minute or so. She could not stay still. And because the sound is turned up on these things all you can hear is rustling of sheets as she messes them up in all her moving. But there's the rubbing and then the moving and then the rubbing and then the moving repeat for 15 minutes. It didn't seem like she came to me, but who knows.

Scene 9: Alice and Jessica

This is the only scene where there are two women masturbating side by side. Don't get excited though because it may actually be the most boring scene on the DVD. Alice - the cute redhead- and Jessica -another brunette- are hanging out on the couch talking about stress, work, and how damn hot it is. They also do things like touch each other's legs and hair and talk about how soft they are. This is how most horrible fake lesbian porn starts. Then they take off their clothes because it is too hot for them. They talk about how much they like each other's bodies and they then start rubbing on themselves. And. Keep. Talking. They supposedly cum twice but I may have fast forwarded through it because I couldn't handle the annoying talking. I was trying to find where it got good. But it really just doesn't. Although they do talk about how they should do it again, but next time bring sex toys. Aha! People in Australia do own sex toys after all! Too bad we apparently don't get to see them used in abbywinters.com flicks.

Final Thoughts: Wow. That was horribly dull. Please for the love of god do not watch this movie. I have in fact instructed XCritic to never send me another abbywinters.com masturbation DVD again. This is how boring this was. And I wish I could get that 123 minutes of my life back. There are some things that I would not pick over watching this porn, but most of them involve horrible pain, betrayal, and mutilation. And don't get me wrong. I love brunettes and masturbation both, but I also love a little variety and excitement.

Read more of my ramblings at AskGarnet

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