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Ophoria Pleasure Pack

Studio: Babeland » Review by Don Houston » Review Date: 3/4/10

XCritic's Advice: Skip It

Just the other day, I was reminded by a friend of mine in the industry how almost any porno has an audience, no matter how depraved or how vanilla the movie may be. He didn't understand how my rating of "rent it" was fair given how other reviewers saw fit to extol its many virtues, applauding the title on all sorts of levels that I "just didn't see" according to him. This being old hat for me, I asked him if anything I said in the review was untrue, he replied "not really", if he felt it earned the meritorious praise heaped upon him given what both of us know are his strong points, and he replied "no", our discussion leading us to examine what happened during the making of the movie. By the time we were through, he thanked me for actually watching the movie and spending the necessary time to analyze it rather than jump on the bandwagon as the others had done. In return, I thanked him for reminding me that adding in constructive criticism doesn't always have to be so pointed and how mentioning the positive points (however few there are) would not weaken the review. So in the spirit of finding something nice to say about a product, the following review of the Ophoria Pleasure Pack will be relatively brief, the twin toys best suited for newcomers to sex toys or those so sensitive to vibrators that they only want the mildest of the mild to work with.

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Made up of two small vibrators, the pleasure pack was designed for couples to explore their naughty side a bit, never going overboard or getting outlandish in terms of vibrator strength. First up was a cock ring, baby blue in color that is called the "V-Ring". The 1.5" in diameter hole stretches to accommodate the largest of cocks but let me tell you that a decent sized one will feel really restricted here (it pinched, was so tight I knew it wouldn't be safe to wear for an extended period of time, and it left distinctive marks on my shaft). On top of the ring is a small vibrator bullet that can be removed for cleaning or changing out the two watch batteries (3G-A CNB), the device coming with a simple on/off button on the side of it; a one speed toy for those that will ask.

The vibrations were so mild that I barely felt them, my admittedly jaded genitalia desensitized from the dozens of toys I get to sample all the time. The duration of the batteries was limited to around 28 minutes but I caution any of you from wearing the toy that long in a row due to circulation issues (unless you are really small). Think of it as sitting on your leg for a prolonged period of time, the deadened sensation the last thing "I" want out of my penis, especially if it endangers my long term ability to get hard. This was accompanied by a pink 3" finger vibrator that you can slip your finger in to direct a similar vibrator wherever you like. The finger opening does not stretch nearly as much as the cock ring (which actually felt right at home on my finger, not my pecker) the device made for shallow insertions (some might claim it was "anal friendly" as a result).

It was less than an inch thick and made of the same kind of phthalate-free silicone, the soft texture not bad against the skin. Nadine, my current primary toy tester, was as unimpressed as I was with both of them due to the minimal vibrations though she admitted that the "whisper quiet" toys had potential if they could be revved up substantially. Her disregard for the laws of physics aside, her point was made that except for the pleasing packaging, it was a bust with her for getting off, neither vibrator strong enough to stimulate her clitoris, areolas, or other private parts enough to merit a rating of anything but a Skip It. In keeping with my earlier comments though, some that just need the slightest of vibrations to get off with might find these two toys a nice change of pace from the wall shaking motors employed elsewhere; I just haven't met anyone that sensitive of late so your mileage may vary. Oh, and as my "buy American" buddy Nate would say, this was made in the PRC (People's Republic of China) so you may well be funding a Communist dictatorship that oppresses human rights by buying it (didn't you just know I'd come up with something mean to say?) but it did test out as "splash proof" more than water proof, there being no tight seal or "O" ring to keep water at bay.

So, summing up the good points, they were chemically inert, very quiet, and simple to use even if they were underpowered, forged in the diabolical factories of despots, and not full service around water. Enjoy!

You can email me with questions at Houstondon @ hotmail.com if you have any constructive criticism of the review too. :) Also you can follow me on twitter @HoustonDon

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