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Howard Sperm Show, The

Studio: New Machine » Review by Don Houston » Review Date: 7/6/10

XCritic's Advice: Skip It

no proper title page?

The Howard Sperm Show

Las Vegas Video/Vantage Distributors

Genre: Sitcum Porn Parody

Director: Jean Pierre Ferrand

Director of Photography/Voice Overs: Mike Quasar/Michael D'Angelo

Cast: Rebecca Wild, Randy West, Courtney, Cal Jammer, Mike Horner, Traci Prince, Cheyenne

Rebecca Wild

Length: 73:29 minutes

Date of Production: 1993

Extras: There were no extras at all.

Courtney with Cal Jammer

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Condoms: Some

Audio/Video Quality: The Howard Sperm Show was presented in an old fashioned 1.33:1 ratio full frame color as shot by director Jean Pierre Ferrand for Las Vegas Video way back in 1993. The movie was encoded in MPEG-2 and had a video bitrate of 6.3 Mbps when I spot checked it, the visual elements never coming close to most modern day porn in terms of technical expertise. The movie looked like it was a direct port from a VHS source in fact, presenting all the usual issues of older porn in terms of the video noise, grain, bleeding, and compression artifacts, the production newly re-released in order to take advantage of the popularity of the sitcum porn parody market that has taken off in recent years. I've seen far worse classics on DVD but make no mistake about it that it looked horrible, and was shot poorly with little regard for making the ladies look their best, but during what some have called a revival of the parody market, it might work for some of you that really hate Howard Stern. The audio did not fare much better, clocking in with a 2.0 Dolby Digital English using a 192 Kbps audio bitrate and 48 kHz sampling rate, the vocals heard plainly enough in most cases but unevenly balanced with the low grade music. There was no separation between the channels and the Dolby processing did not help clean up the various aural issues but this is pretty much why I often tell people that it is tough to "go back" to older porn once you are used to what is released at this writing (except in very narrow circumstances). There also appeared to be some dubbing and/or loops for those who pay close attention.

Rebecca Wild with Mike Horner

Body of Review: Those that have watched porn for more than a few years will know that the current sitcum porn craze is nothing new to the industry, even if the emboldened state of the art allows for far closer parodies to be made (most including the name of the original movie or television show being "pornified"). Some of the original parodies from the late 70's and early 80's rival any of these current flicks in terms of creativity, though the sex shot nowadays is typically much more explicit and lengthy. Between these two generations of parodies were a whole lot of mixed efforts, one of them from the early 90's called The Howard Sperm Show. The movie spoofs the ever popular shock jock Howard Stern himself, not going nearly as far as a later release starring Jonathan Morgan but showing just how Randy West could make us laugh between the short sex scenes. Sexually, the star of the movie is clearly Rebecca Wild, the woman included in three of the five scenes, but this was truthfully advertised as "not the best parody you'll ever see" so I have to thank the company for that. The box cover described the movie like this: "Randy West portrays a thinly veiled version of shock jock Howard Stern in this parody. The action starts when Rebecca Wild brings her hefty new boobs to the studio for an interview. Randy's next interview is with kung fu filmmaker Cal Jammer. Meanwhile, Rebecca's busy convincing producer Mike Horner to let her play "Lesbian Love Connection" in the best way she knows how. We then watch that segment, as Rebecca lines up a date with tasty Cheyenne. The finale finds Randy discussing upcoming shows with busty production assistant Tracey Prince. And what better way to let your employees know that you approve of their work than with a torrid little takedown? While not the best parody you'll ever see, this one is chock full of nicely top-heavy women and plenty of energetic action, with Rebecca turning in an especially nice performance." Here's a brief look at the scenes by cast and action, noting that some condoms were used for those still interested:

Traci Prince

Scene One: Rebecca Wild, playing herself as a guest on the show, sat on the couch in such a way to show off her great legs, Randy West playing the creepy host of the show. She showed off her tits to him and he felt her up, the couple kissing before he went down on her briefly. She reciprocated with a fair hummer, using her hand to gland combat style and mouth to get him ready for the vaginal positions. She was not an active ride most of the time and his wad of genetic juice graced her ass from his hand, Randy's wig looking ridiculous.

Cheyenne and Rebecca Wild

Scene Two: Courtney, an older gal trying to console Cal Jammer in bed, was up next as she kissed him. He went for her breasts and she tasted them too, her modest blowjob leading to him going down on her just as briefly. They boned vaginally and then anally, the gal about as active in both (not very), Cal doing most of the work while she tried to avoid looking at him. That led to him rubbing out a load of population pudding on her ass and back, the spew landing all over the place.

Scene Three: Rebecca Wild, next up wearing a skimpy yellow tank top and tight green skirt, applied her moves on Mike Horner as he extolled her many virtues. They sat on the black leather couch and he adored her, the guy explaining the rules of the contest before she blew him and he reciprocated on her chest. He then ate her out and they boned actively, Mike actually wearing a rubber that could be seen in some of the doggy positions best. It ended when he beat off a nut of semen to her lower abdomen, the editing again cutting too quickly to the next portion of the movie.

Scene Four: Traci Prince, a curvy redhead with thin arms but a decent ass, was up next as a production assistant happy with her new raise, Randy West going down on her on the couch after they discussed business. Her dark green dress was not lit correctly so it presented additional video noise and color bleeding, the amount of close up shots yet again bringing into question whether or not stand ins were used. She reciprocated orally on his rod and they did some passive vaginal penetration, her oral being the best aspect of the scene by far.

Scene Five: Cheyenne, a black haired gal with a small rack, was up next on the production love seat with Rebecca Wild, the gal having won the earlier contest. Both wore patterned sun dresses and soon removed them to grant their partner better access. The titty play led to some cunnilingus, the ladies straddling each other in a 69 but the action far too short, the nod to reviewer Gene Ross amusing in the attempt to garner a better rating before the credits rolled.

Summary: The Howard Sperm Show by director Jean Pierre Ferrand for Las Vegas Video had just enough cheesy dialogue to remind me of how far the industry has come in the last 17 years, the sexual exploits far from strokable for a jaded old porn hound like me. While fans of Rebecca Wild will likely consider this movie being finally released on DVD as a "must have", the casual fan, even the casual parody fan, will likely regard it as a Skip It unless they hate Howard Stern for some reason. The material has been done better in the past and could stand to be done with today's standards, perhaps Mike Quasar who served on the movie will revisit his early attempt at parodies and try a "do over" to show just how far he has grown too. In short, there were few surprises with The Howard Sperm Show and I wish that the original production date was listed on the box cover for all those unfamiliar with the cast enough to know they are all long gone from making movies, my old pal Randy West good enough in the role to merit checking it out once but that is for a collector like myself only (the product placement for Diet Coke and Jack in the Box amusing too).

You can email me with questions at Houstondon @ hotmail.com if you have any constructive criticism of the review too. :) Also you can follow me on twitter @HoustonDon

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