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Meet The Monsters: 3 Way TS Action
Cast: MonsterCock Ramon, Castro Supreme, Venus Lux, Vaniity, Eva Lin, Ariela Everts
Audio/Video: I watched this on a giant flatscreen because I had the house to myself and it looked great, lighting issues with exterior shots notwithstanding. The performers can be heard very clearly—the music is cliched, but in an affirming way that reassures you of the type of porn experience you’re getting into: light-hearted, deep-throated, with no pretensions of sensuality or “erotic art”.
Length: 1 hour, 47 minutes
Release Date: 4/7/2016
Extras: Photo Gallery
The Rae Of Light: The way this film oscillates in quality and intention requires a Dickensian discourse; it is the best of TS porn, it is the worst of TS porn.
Contrary to most porn involving trans women, this film prioritizes the trans women’s ability to suck dick and take an ass pounding over fetishizing their cocks or trying to expose a supposed latent male sex drive. The cocks that take center stage belong to the male performers, and are invariably impressive in their length and girth. They are also attached to a casting director’s thought experiment—you have two male stars, one of whom has too little personality and the other has way too fucking much.
By themselves, MonsterCock Ramon and Castro Supreme are a great double act; Ramon is jovial and scheming, Castro is skeptical and anxious. Their comedy bits work, and I actually find the dynamic of two buds constantly scheming to fuck trans women in ways that affirm their gender identity and avoid rapier aspects of the genre charming in its own way. However, once the scene with their designated third performer begins, Castro inevitably becomes stoic and hyperfocused, which doesn’t facilitate chemistry with the majority of their (very submissive) co-stars. The “character work” of the scene, then, falls on Ramon, who frequently finds this burden too great and is replaced by or transforms into a goddam human jackal hybrid whose incessant guttural fake-chuckles power a colossal slaughterhouse where potential boners meet their grisly end.
I mean, I get it: by filling every possible frame of each shoot with his trademark forced laugh, he’s reassuring the straight men watching him that he’s getting his, that he sees fucking a beautiful trans woman as one of life’s great net gains and not something he’s doing because he’s desperate or unwell. And to that end, he’s successful. I believe that he’s having the time of his life double-teaming Eva Lin and Venus Lux, and therefore I would have the time of my life double-teaming a hyper-feminine, petite trans woman. But that insistence on pervasive tomfoolery distracts from the task at hand: ogling trans women getting fucked so you can jerk off and hopefully, if the porn is made right, pull you closer to rejecting gender essentialism and putting your IRL cock into pretty people regardless of genital arrangement.
The first half of this film evangelizes this lifestyle change very effectively. The scenes with Eva Lin and Venus Lux are hot, well-produced, and even transformative, after a fashion. Venus Lux’s scene might actually be the best trans woman/cis dude porn video I have ever watched.
Keeping with our Tale of Two Pornos, however, the second half of this film is awkward, overly gimmicky, underdeveloped, and at times painfully uncomfortable to watch.
For this reason, I recommend renting it. You should absolutely see this film. But you shouldn’t commit shelf space for something that’s half not worth your time.
The chapters largely follow a formula: Castro is concerned about something, Ramon has a plan that gets them laid. Ramon fucks fast and does the comic relief, Castro is the strong silent type who fucks hard. Spitroasts, butt-fucking, inappropriate laughter and a cum on the face pop shot. For this reason, I try to focus more on the interactions and performances of their co-stars to evaluate each scene.
Sex Scene 1 (Eva Lin): Ramon and Castro dress as lifeguards in hopes of picking up “pussy”. I put quotes around that to highlight how often this word is said in the lead-up to the fucking; outside of sissy/forced fem porn, pre or non-op trans women usually aren’t described as having a or counting as “pussy”—when Ramon and Castro approach Eva Lin and convince her to come back to their penthouse, it set me up to anticipate a “trans girl reveal” so typical in the genre. But they don’t! After taking turns sucking and jerking off Ramon and Castro’s cocks, Eva Lin pulls off her swimsuit to absolutely zero fanfare around her cock.
A couple of shots before this, where the site of Eva Lin on the beach causes Castro and Ramon to comically fight over their binoculars, is exemplary of the “pervert chivalry” you get throughout the film. The girls get cock-slapped, they get double-teamed, Ramon strokes himself laughing while they get plowed by Castro. But there’s nothing in the language, camerawork, or interaction between the performers that challenges or dismisses the validity of their co-stars’ gender presentations.
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Eva Lin has an inviting submissiveness to her, more of a cooing ingenue than the predatorial delighters of deceit so often found in the genre. She fits what many would find the platonic ideal of “t-girl beauty”: dainty with big tits, pronounced lips and cheekbones, she makes an effort not to talk too loud and has the sort of tattoos a straight girl would get on spring break. The type of girl you take out for a nice meal, dancing, and then a romantic night of watching your buddy fuck her in the butt while you watch with binoculars, laughing like you found a way to synthesize a Talking Heads single into something you can snort.
Eva is the perfect co-performer to put first. She maintains a sort of feminine grace while sucking two dicks at once, or having her asshole pulled open so Castro Supreme can spit in it to lube her up. I think this performative femininity, sustained under duress, is what a lot of straight men are looking for in trans porn. It gets obscured with a lot of adjectives and mealy-mouthed workarounds (some variation of ladylike being one of my favorites). There is, for all the how-to-do about “real men” and “real women”, a shame in men admitting they’re attracted to femininity, even and when especially that femininity is exaggerated. I think this anomaly of patriarchy is overlooked when we talk about why straight men are attracted to trans women.
That said: this film isn’t really that straight. There is a lot of close-ups of Ramon and Castro’s very masculine cocks, and at it’s heart, it’s a film about two friends who cruise for women to share, which doesn’t really fit into our societal notions of heterosexual relationships. Being honest, the inclusion of trans women might be the “straightest” part of this whole endeavor.
Good thing that straightness is an arbitrary concept invented by repressive societies to prevent people from having the sort of intense, liberated relationships that make them resistant to conformist politics!
Scene 2 (Venus Lux): Full disclosure here—when I was the Editor in Chief at HARLOT Magazine, I edited and published an interview of Venus Lux by fellow XCritic reviewer Kitty. I didn’t know of her work then, but I’m glad I did because after seeing this scene, I am now convinced Venus could eat me alive if she wanted. I have never seen anyone, of any gender assignment, take a cock in the ass with such a fierce gaze of “is this all you’ve got, fucker?”
Ramon and Castro need money, and decide to dress as pimps in search of a sex worker they can pimp out.They pick Venus up and bring her to a swank house under the guise of an “audition” to make money in the future. To be fair, his name is MonsterCock Ramon, not MonsterManners.
Venus gets the best performances out of Ramon and Castro; she very quickly abandons the role of aspiring, wide-eyed sexpot and takes charge. She directs Castro on how to penetrate her, moaning “right there” while stroking her cock, leading to a crescendo of “FUCK, FUCK, FUCK” as Castro continues to pound her. At one point, before they change positions, she looks Castro in the face and says “I wish you’d bust a nut inside me”. It takes a lot to elicit a genuine “spit coffee” moment in a film of TS threesomes.
Ramon tries, numerous times through this film, to be a top. And it doesn’t work, at all—not because he’s goofy, but because he’s that kind of funny where every second of silence has to be filled with this distracting, tiresome antics. The best Ramon gets in this film is when he’s being topped by Venus, who just tears his cock apart in her hand while she’s blowing Castro. Giving Ramon a handjob puts the blood in her eye; this is the type of power dynamic switcheroo we’re accustomed to seeing in this genre of porn, but it’s completely organic and has nothing to do with Venus being a trans woman. She’s just aggressive, and mean, and she knows what she wants and she’s not not here just to fulfill the fantasies of these two high-fiving motherfuckers.
Venus rims Castro while she gets fucked by Ramon; while the supposed degradation in licking someone’s ass might seem obvious, it’s worth noting you have approximately the population of one of those tiny European states people hide their Rembrandts and porn servers worth of nerve endings in your ass. We all wanna believe we’d receive oral servicing with a shit-eating grin and a devil-may-care lust for life. But in reality, most of you would look like Ramon; concentrating to avoid clamming up or jerking away from overstimulation. Basically, like you were taking a shit. Fair play to a scene about the “sex worker fucks you for free because your dick’s so big” fantasy for portraying something realistic, even if unglamorous.
Venus is the other side of Eva’s coin: she’s toppy and emphatic and all around just a ballbuster. In my notes I wrote “Venus has a hungry ferocity that doesn’t get old”. Just so you don’t go thinking I’m too high on myself, I also wrote “Jesus, Castro jerks himself off with two hands like he’s making fucking taffy.”
Venus gets a gorgeous pop shot for her troubles. She is, undoubtedly, the high point of this film. The scene ends with a post-shoot interview, where Venus compares the cocks of Ramon and Castro and how they felt inside of her. It’s one of the few post-shoot interviews I’ve seen that doesn’t feel forced or awkward; I genuinely dislike them because they’re used by producers to reassure us that porn isn’t exploitative, but if your pay is dependent on you doing a candid interview about how you enjoyed something, it becomes another margin of exploitation. This is one of the few behind the scenes that didn’t immediately turn me off.
Scene 3 (Vaniity): The stills from this scene alone moved me to request this film for review; if a man getting jerked off in a banana suit does not elicit in you some affirmation that there is good in the world, than the creeping psychic death has taken a hold of you that you can never shake off.
Seeing Ramon and Castro pose in their halloween costumes led me to think this film wouldn’t take itself too seriously; an hour of Ramon’s aggressive forced laughter disabused me of this. Guys who make such an overt effort to show you that they don’t take themselves seriously definitely, definitely do.
This scene has Ramon and Castro meet Vaniity while trick-or-treating. After she gives them candy, they decide they want to fuck her, so they knock on her door again and just show her their cocks. HOW, MY MAN, HOW ARE YOU GONNA GO FROM SUCH A GOOD AND AUTHENTIC POST-SHOOT INTERVIEW TO A SCENE WHERE YOU FLASH A WOMAN SO SHE SUCKS YOUR DICK?
Sorry (not sorry) to be that person, but: this scene concerns me. Vaniity seems dazed or otherwise pliable-but-not-present. It’s hard to put my finger on it. She seems much paler in this scene than in other shoots I’ve seen her in; this could be a makeup issue, but the sluggish, sloppy laziness with which she takes Ramon and Castro’s cocks, and her line of dialog “What are you two going to do to me?” suggests to me that she’s in some way impaired, through illness or otherwise.
I’d have a little more faith in MonsterCock Ramon’s respect for his co-stars’ bodies if every scene didn’t end with his spinning face shouting “I KILL IT TS DOT COM”.
Ultimately the costumes and Halloween decorations serve to distract you from an awkward, meandering fucking. Vaniity’s “fairy tale princess injected with concentrated amounts of Burning Man” costume gives this whole scene a very pointed implication of “taken advantage at the club”.
No sir, I don’t like it. And if you like it, I’d kindly request you stay as far the fuck away from me and my drink as possible.
Sex Scene 4 (Ariela Everts): I’m guessing I wasn’t expected to make it this far? This scene has no comedic lead-up, nor even the barest suggestion of a plot. It opens with Ramon and Castro having brought Ariela back to their place, and her getting right to work on them.
I have a suspicion that this was put at the end because it has a somewhat bungled pop-shot—Castro tries blowing his load on Ariela’s belly after fucking her in the ass but the condom is too tight, so most of it caught in the condom as he tries pulling it off. Lamenting this improbable cliche come to life, Castro wrings the content out, spilling its spent contents on Ariela’s body. I’m not well versed enough in mathematics to say precisely how much this scene would have been exponentially better if it was 10 minutes of Castro and Ariela, with a focus on the humiliation in having a condom wrung out on your used body. I’m coming to form a sincere antipathy for the uniformity in porn. You didn’t bother having a funny lead-up, or any semblance of scene and character; why exactly does Ramon have to be here? What ground, in the previous hour-plus of double-teaming and jerking off on trans women’s teeth, wasn’t sufficiently covered?
When I was a kid, I aspired to be a class clown. I repeated the same jokes over and over until I had no friends at school—watching Ramon just go out of his way to make every scene goofy or difficult for his co-stars has given me an epiphany on what my classmates endured. I can think of a few more productive avenues for such a breakthrough, but this DVD was literally mailed to my house and I can’t gripe too much with that level of accessibility.
I’d like to see Ariela work with other people—she has a gorgeous body and lovely cheekbones and does her best to convey the pleasure she receives in having her ass fucked. Few people, if any, look photogenic while trying to fit two cocks of that size in their mouth. Few of the stills provided by the film really flatter the women performers beyond the one-dimensional long nails, heels in bed, that particular look of “oh gosh, surprise” that every femme trans woman inevitably does; when your scene lacks the plot of the rest of the film but keeps all of the repetitive positions and gags, it’s not unimaginable that you’d be singled out as the weak link in the scene, or even the whole film.
Sometimes, porn really can give us an insight on the socioeconomic factors plaguing the female workforce.
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