Porn Reviews » Adult Movie Reviews »
Squirt Or Die!
Genres: All Sex, Alt Girls, Squirting, Fetish, Tattoos
Director: Joanna Angel
Shot By: Mike Quasar Editing & Music: Small Hands
Cast: Janice Griffith, Anna Bell Peaks, Leigh Raven, Lily Lane, Kimberly Chi, Xander Corvus, Small Hands, Mr. Pete, Tommy Pistol
Length: 2 hours 15 minutes
Date of Release: March 27, 2017
Extras: Trailers, Photo Gallery, 5 Menu-Selectable Trailers
Audio/Video Quality: Really good camera capture, other than one weird bobble which I'm not even going to bother to point out. The audio is captured well, maybe too well as some offscreen footsteps and other noises can be heard on occasion. Flesh tones are on point and body art is captured in exquisite detail.
Overview: Burning Angel has put together another squirting disc, but this one is quite a bit different than what you might be thinking. This isn't Squirt Class. This isn't just a bunch of girls squirting for the camera. This is so much more than that!
Scene 1: Janice Griffith, Xander Corvus
In a surprising opening, we find Janice in an artsy, outdoor montage tease sequence. I say that's surprising because most Burning Angel titles as of late just don't do that. As the montage fades to the indoors, we find Xander licking her nipples through her spiderweb top. As the brunette beauty kneels, she takes Mr. Corvus' cock into her mouth and licks his balls simultaneously; her big brown eyes smile up at him as she does. Looking like he's fresh from the barber, Xander steps behind her and lifts her leg so he can bang into her box. She squirts almost immediately. Panties pulled aside, and Xander's hand on her throat, she squirts again as he pulls out. As they lie back on the couch, their thighs glisten with her juices. She puts her feet on the couch, wearing platform boots that would make Gene Simmons proud. Xander grips her ass, or throat, tightly as he gives her his manhood like a well-oiled machine. Anticipating a gush, the camera moves into a closeup, Xander's cock working in and out of her; her puckered butt hole centered in the frame. As she lifts off of his dick, a stream trickles from her.
The lighting fluctuates as Xander stands, lifting her in the air to bounce and bang. She squirts again, covering his crotch. She's begging him not to stop as they move back to the couch where he fucks her mouth. Their eye contact is good as the romping and squirting continue. In the midst of action, Xander gets the bright idea to kick the sectional couch in half so he can fold her in half and take her that way. Having the couch split like that opens up an innovative position. Miss Griffith straddles the chasm and Xander lies on the floor, pounding up into her. Xander's necklace flails about as they enjoy a final fuck position before he unloads a huge gush of his own into her mouth.
Scene 2: Leigh Raven, Xander Corvus
Unlike the opening scene, this one starts off as a really funny scripted comedic skit that features Xander as a guy who has room for rent and Leigh is interested in seeing it. You'll notice I didn't say "a room". As he shows her some spaces, she is greeted by some very unique characters, their habits, and their belongings or lack thereof. Xander plays his part really well but I think Small Hands outshines him in the few moments of screen time he is given. He only has a couple of lines and some physical comedy the first time we see him but his delivery of them is just freaking great. Leigh is also notable here, her reaction and response to Xander as he forbids her from seeing the bathroom is absolutely spot on. As they discuss the cost of room, she comes clean and admits she has an odd habit too. She tends to squirt. Of course, that means Xander's going to have to see that for himself, in order to make sure it won't harm the real wood floors.
The camera zooms in and out, and pans back and forth, during the conversation which works in conjunction with a guitar track to give the scene a whole sitcom feel which works really well.
Support Our Sponsor:
The action starts with Xander tonguing Miss Raven, who has her hair pulled up like Minnie Mouse ears. Within a minute there's a literal waterfall streaming down the couch and onto the wooden floor. AS she kneels in her puddle to suck Xander off, she slips in her squirt. Grabbing her mouse ears, Xander fucks her throat and they get down to business. Leigh takes off her panties and stuffs them in Xander's mouth as she climbs onto him and unleashes a geyser all over his stomach. She's obviously well hydrated, as she pours out buckets as they romp through a ton of positions. All of those positions capture Leigh's very intricate inkwork in exquisite detail. Her cocksman makes her cum over and over, a flood happening each time she does. After all her orgasms, Xander's ready to have his own and he jerks himself to completion all over her eyeglasses and face as Small Hands walks in for a final comedic minute.
The whole scene just works really, really well. The sex is hard and heavy, there's a ton of squirting with no camera cuts right before they happen and the three main characters are absolutely great.
Scene 3: Anna Bell Peaks, Small Hands
This is another scripted scene in which Aaron (Small Hands) can't get Anna Bell out of his mind since she squirted all over his back for no apparent reason. He stops by her house with a bouquet and a song to express his desire for her. Like the last scene, this one is notable for the acting performances from each of the two, and for some notable editing magic along with a soundtrack and some sound fx thrown in for good measure. Miss Peaks doesn't have a lot of dialog, most of her acting is done with facial expressions which are done really well. She's only been in the business for about a year, but it seems as if she's always been here. She's just a natural in front of a camera.
She takes Small Hands' cock deep into her mouth, and he gets palm deep in her pussy before he rips what appears to be her fairly pricey lingerie top right in half. Without missing a beat, she tears it off her buxom body and he slides right into her hole. After a few strokes he pulls out and she gushes all over the bed, but not before he manages to catch some in his mouth and spit it into hers. That move caught her by surprise and she loved it; she begs him to do it again and immediately shoots forth another geyser for a repeat performance. The next gush gets caught in his hands and rubbed all over her face much to her delight. The pair is perfect together. They just fuck the shit out of each other and her juices run non-stop. After a massive flooding of his crotch in reverse cowgirl, she cleans it all up with her tongue.
The chemistry between these two is outstanding. They must be good friends off set because their comfort level with each other is off the charts. Both of these performers can not only act, but they both fuck really well on film. The room is lit well and all of their intricate artwork plays well to the lens as they tumble through their hardcore tryst. As always, the smile just never leaves Anna Bell's face. During the final fuck flurry about a quart of fluid just showers his cock and he has her clean it with her mouth and then goes back in for more, finally finishing himself on her boobs as she squirts at the same time. As the scene fades he finishes his starting serenade to her.
Scene 4: Lily Lane, Mr. Pete
Miss Lane opens by addressing the viewer directly as she rubs her leather-clad body in a montage as a rock soundtrack plays. She allows the viewer to stroke their cock as she uncovers her massive melons. She looks right into the lens as she degrades her worshippers. Right in the middle of her speech, Mr. Pete shoves his cock into her mouth from off screen. After some throat fucking, there's a lengthy spit exchange between the two before she rubs his cock while rubbing herself to create a massive unleashing of her fluids. I mean Massive! As she sits in a literal puddle he sticks his fingers in causing her to gush even more. Lily's apparently here to give Anna Bell a run for her money. Now that she's drenched her suede boots and his jeans he has to take his pants off so they can dry before he has to drive home.
Presenting her wet self in doggie, she gets drilled; her screams actually getting overpowered by some weird high-pitched alarm off screen for a moment. She talks dirty as he spins her in her puddle and gushes forth again, the cameraman backing out of the splash zone slowly. She gets folded in half, displaying just how wet her whole body is getting by now as Mr. Pete bangs in and out of her hole. In between dick plunges, he stops to rub her pussy, releasing more and more of her squirt. The pair pound into each other. Sucking, fucking, slamming and squirting. Her dirty banter becomes continuous as Mr. Pete continues to plunge in and out of her hole. The amount of sweat on his forehead starts to equal how wet she is from her own squirt juice. He hammers her relentlessly in spoon until he has to spurt, which he can't get to reach her as she falls off the couch cushion. After one more quick fingering, he walks off screen as she crumbles to the floor completely drained.
Scene 5: Kimberly Chi, Tommy Pistol
Newbie spinner, Devil-horn wearing Kimberly is blowing bubbles on a cliff when a guy named Bubbles (Tommy Pistol) walks up and asks her if she feels like blowing something else. The soundtrack booms as they go inside and Tommy explains how he got his name. She wants all of his cock and she means it. After Tommy sticks most of his hand into her pussy, he lifts her up and she sucks his cock upside down. He wants to see what the bubble blowing whore can do and throat fucks her in a couple of positions before licking, fingering, and spanking her pussy to a fluid-filled explosion. Legs to the sky, she gets her wet pussy railed. While he's fucking her, he sticks his fingers in her unleashing another geyser and she sucks her juices off his junk. As she does that she tells him to stick fingers in both of her holes, and he pins her head to his balls with his legs. After removing her shoes she enters a theoretical "highest boner bounce contest" as he keeps her steady with a finger buried in her ass.
A quick repositioning by him allows her to try her high bounces in reverse cowgirl, proving she's one of the more energetic fuck bunnies around. As she balances her feet on his thighs he has her strip off her stockings for better traction. Remember how I said she wanted all of his cock? Well, she wants more than that! She drops to her knees and inhales his shaft and his balls. That's a trick he wants to see again and she tells him to shove it down her throat and he obliges. Bracing his leg on the back of the couch he bends her over and bangs her. She reaches back and grabs his hand and they maneuver her into a standing position without missing a stroke. As she gets contorted onto the couch her juices explode all over his cock and she inhales them off of it. After one more furious bang session, she drops and sucks him, drool spilling everywhere. Those juices are mixed with his as he unloads on her tongue. Her oral skills are just exceptional here, and she makes it look like a walk in the park.
As the credits roll, we are treated to outtakes from Xander and Leigh's scene, which is cool because I was going to watch it again anyway!
Final Thoughts: Buy this now. Don't wait. I normally don't get excited about things that boil down to a compilation of web scenes from an obscure and controversial genre. This is an exception! Over five scenes, the same cast that made Cindy: Queen of Hell such a great flick is back in action. Once again, I have to give the cast and crew props on their talents onscreen and off. The disc is peppered with dashes of brilliance in the form of edits and musical accompaniment, both courtesy of Small Hands. Xander and Leigh put in awesome performances during their setup (and their action) but they might have gotten overshadowed by the few lines Small Hands delivered with pinpoint precision. Joanna Angel tends to stick with what she knows works for her audience, but sometimes she branches out into endeavors like this and lets everyone's true talent really shine. You may have noticed I spent a lot of screen space covering scenes 2 & 3. I had to. There were just way too many outstanding features not to. From Janice's surprise opening standard-porn-style tease montage I knew this disc was going to be something different and special from Burning Angel. Tommy Pistol and Kimberly Chi close out the disc with a great scene where he delivers comedy totally straight- faced and she shows off her impressive slut skills. Miss Lily Lane just goes all geyser on Mr. Pete and I wonder if the Production assistant figured out whether her or Anna Bell spilled more, because someone had to mop that stuff up!
The scenes only have one thing in common, there's copious amounts of squirting going on. Other than that, the studio shows that while they may not shoot porn the same way many others do, they absolutely can. They can also do it better than many of them. Artsy montages? Check. Documentary-style steady-cam footage? Check. Scripted comedy? Check. Shooting from the splash zone? Check. Breaking the fourth wall? Check. Great hair, makeup, and wardrobe? Check, check, check. What am I forgetting? Oh yeah, hardcore banging. Checkarooski. There's really not a lot of stones left unturned in this gathering of squirting scenes. While there's plenty of gushing going on, it never really seemed like the focus of the film to me. There was just too much other stuff involved to concentrate on that aspect of it alone. Whether that was intentional, or just my perception of it, I don't know. I do know that kudos are owed to everyone here! Super Highly Recommended.
~cyber5 Tweet me.