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Fuck Free or Die Hardcore


Studio: Brazzers » Review by cyber5 » Review Date: 10/3/18


XCritic's Advice: Recommended

Genres: Feature, Parody, 1st DP

Director: Vic Lagina

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Chapters Menu

Cast: Mia Malkova, Danny Mountain, Markus Dupree, Charles Dera

Length: 1 hour 54 minutes

Date of Release: June 12, 2018

Extras: Photo Gallery, Cumshot Recap, Web Info, Menu-Selectable Trailers

Extras Menu

Trailers Menu

Bonus Scene: Kayla Kayden & Xander Corvus 33:48 minutes

After a neon and black light fueled tease, our performers enjoy an all anal romp, surrounded by darkness but well lit themselves.

Condoms: None

Audio/Video Quality: Very Good overall. The soundtrack is nicely mixed, vocals are clear. The shots are well-lit and shot in a very calm gonzo-style with a single camera that tracks the action nicely but tends to crop out the male talent's heads. It appears to be shot in 1.78:1 format rather than the original 2.x:1 format of the original.

Overview: AVN's 2014 Best New Starlet and 2017 XBIZ Best Actress, Mia Malkova, stars in this parody of one of the world's best Christmas movies, Die Hard. As you'd expect, it starts out with our soon-to-be heroine in a limo on her way to a high-rise, which in this case is The Brazzers Building rather than Nakatomi Plaza. It won't be long before she realizes she's walking into a heist that's in search of the Brazzers website password and she must do whatever it takes to save the day.

Scene 1: Mia Malkova & Danny Mountain

Danny's at the company Christmas party and Mia's headed there to surprise him, having returned home unexpectedly from New York. He's not happy about his wife being bi-coastal but the curvaceous blonde in a red party dress quickly changes his mood as she drops to her knees and puts his cock in her mouth. He's missed his wife and the tasty goodness between her thighs and gobbles her up like a holiday snack before driving his candy cane into her hole as she lies on a table. She's missed the taste of his pole too and lies on her back to inhale it deep into her throat.

Mia Malkova

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He's missed her soft feet and holds them together, wrapped around his rod as he thrusts. The pair move to a nearby couch where Mia can show off her jockey skills. Her plump ass jiggles and Danny can't resist sticking his finger into her butthole. Their bodies thump together as she rides, Mia growing short of breath and makes a sound that is a cross between a wheeze and a squeak. That sound grows louder as she reverses herself to face the camera, her fingers rapidly working her clit as she bounces high and hard. Mountain's fingers replace hers as they move into a spoon, a look of intensity on his face and a growing sweat sheen as he slides in and out of her. There's a look of delight on Mia's face as she contorts her head around to look at him as she's on all fours. Their gazes lock together as they move back to the table where they started, Danny driving her in missionary, Mia whispering words of naughty encouragement to him to fill her up with his frosting.

Mia Malkova

Just as they finish, there's a commotion in the other room. Danny pulls on his clothes and rushes out to see what all the clatter is, only to find Markus Dupree and a group of not-so-merry henchmen taking hostages. Peeking through the door, Mia sees what's causing the clatter and ducks back in the room to pull on some underwear right before one of the henchmen kicks in the door.

Scene 2: Mia Malkova & Charles Dera

Dera is the henchman that gets sent on a scouting mission to find out who has stolen one of the team's radios. Mia is lying in wait on an under-construction floor and he complies with her request to drop his gun but admits that he recognizes her from his favorite Brazzers scene. Mia's okay with that and decides they should have some fun before heading down to join the other hostages.

Mia Malkova

Mia drops to her knees to work him up and then slinks onto a table, inviting him to fuck her face. Her head dangles off the table which Dera props his boot on as he shoves his cock all the way to the back of her throat. Mia's in the mood for some Christmas cheer and they rotate into a 69 before she does the backward boner bounce. Her eyes light up the room as Charles accepts her invitation to the party in her pooper. They both appear to be in booty banging bliss as she gets ramrodded while bent over a table. That table will become noisy and distracting once she climbs on and starts booty bouncing rhythmically. All of her goodies are on display, in closeup, as she rolls over and folds herself like a taco. Charles can't take much more and she coaxes him into coating her face.

Mia Malkova

Markus has apparently started to wonder where the hell his henchman has gone and comes through the doorway as Dera is pulling his drawers back on, a quick shootout ensuing, with Charles ending up with the worst of it, Markus running back out and Mia finding herself the proud new owner of a machine gun and a nice pack of smokes.

Scene 3:  Mia Malkova, Danny Mountain, Markus Dupree

Mia has made her way to the rooftop, walkie-talkie in hand, and is trying to summon the police when Markus shows up holding her husband at gunpoint demanding a free year's membership to the website. She laughs at the request for free porn and strips down, offering a free live show instead. That's intriguing to Dupree and he tosses Danny her way so he can jerk off to a couple of famous porn stars getting it on in front of him. She's kneeling and bobbing when Markus realizes he can probably join in on this party and offers up his own cock for her to slurp on.

Mia Malkova

Mia works both dicks like a champ using her mouth and then props herself on a table so Danny can drill her from behind while Dupree throat fucks her. The men trade places, Mia capably handling both candy canes with ease. Her slit starts to shine with her own juices as she gets jammed into and the guys decide it's time to try out her rear entrance, Mountain sticking his manhood in first. Danny manages to give her an assgasm as Markus looks on, staring into her eyes. She flips over, Markus beneath her now and Danny sliding his cock into her love slit. Mia's panting as she enjoys her first onscreen double penetration, the guys filling her holes and choking her at her request.

Mia Malkova

The trio moves off the table, onto the rooftop and perform a standing sandwich, Mia getting lifted into the air at one point for some acrobatic action. She's whimpering and moaning as the men bounce her up and down on their boners before lowering her to the ground to receive their presents on her pretty face.

Final Thoughts: As a die-hard 'Die Hard' fan that watches the original every single year at Christmas I could point out the fact that at least half of the sub-plots of that movie are missing here but that's okay because they are replaced with our pretty, blonde heroine getting banged in every hole. There are enough references to the original that it works well and I have to factor in the fact that Mia gets filmed in some action sequences that are part 'Die Hard', part 'Baywatch', and part 'Charlie's Angels'. She pulls those looks off really well and her acting is on point, even if she doesn't get to spew as many great one-liners as John McClane did. Mia is really the focus of this movie, as evidenced by the sex scenes in which most of the action is filmed in closeup, cutting off the upper parts of her male co-stars so they could have been just about anyone, really. Here at XCritic, Mia gets a lot of viewings and much praise from us for both her sexual skills and acting ability. This is really no exception but at the same time, it is not 'The Preacher's Daughter' level of greatness. What is different here, is this is the first time she gets DP'ed on-screen. Markus Dupree is always an excellent choice for that role, he just seems to work well in a team effort like that. Overall, I thought it was a fun movie but it will not join my annual marathon viewing of the original trilogy (which is now up to a five-part series). It earned a Recommended rating from me.


 ~cyber5  Tweet me.



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