Porn Reviews » Adult Movie Reviews »
I Know Who You Fucked Last Halloween
Genres: Alt Girls, Cosplay, Feature, Horror, Parody
Writer/Director: Joanna Angel
Editing & Scoring: Small Hands Cameras: Holly Randall, Aiden Riley, Shelley
Cast: Katrina Jade, Ariana Marie, Ivy Lebelle, Joanna Angel, Steve Holmes, Bill Bailey, Small Hands, Tommy Pistol
Length: 2 hours 8 minutes
Date of Release: September 24, 2018
Extras: Photo Gallery, Internet Info, Menu-Selectable Trailers
Audio/Video Quality: Nice widescreen presentation of a hi-def capture that suffers some serious issues as I will detail below. Audio is good until it isn't, also detailed below.
Overview: Joanna Angel penned and directed this tale of a husband and wife celebrating her 40th birthday with a complex plan on Halloween. What does that mean? Well, you'll have to watch it to find out. Part comedy, part thriller, this is a multi-faceted tale with an all-star cast but some blatant technical flaws that may leave many viewers wishing they would have skipped this one.
Scene 1: Katrina Jade, Ariana Marie, Ivy Lebelle, Joanna Angel
It's Joanna's 40th birthday and Small Hands drops her off to have sex with 3 high-end call girls that are dressed as sexy latex bunnies. Within seconds of him leaving, the ladies are tearing into one another, quickly doffing their clothing but keeping the mask headgear on. It's a total moanfest, heavy breathing and whimpers filling the air. This is one of those times that being familiar with inked angels comes in mighty handy, as it is easiest to track who is where in a sea of flesh and masks by their signature tats.
Like many orgy scenes I view, I have decided to not even attempt a play by play description but rather give you a general idea of what's going on so here it is:
It's a dark, shadowy room filled with black masked bunnies, their masks catching and reflecting glints of light as they roll around licking and pawing at each other. There is 2 on 2 action, 3 on 1, and pretty much every other statistical possibility within that realm. If you have neighbors or roommates that you are trying to hide your freaky side from, you are going to want to turn this scene way the fuck down. It starts off at 100mph and the moaning, screaming, and whimpering never let up.
If you've ever wondered what Frank the rabbit from 'Donnie Darko' might be like as a sexy rabbit rather than a creepy, fucked up-looking one, well this could be your answer. These ladies are totally animalistic, especially when they all concentrate on Joanna, clawing at her while devouring her holes until she is totally spent.
Scene 2: Ivy Lebelle, Steve Holmes
Speaking of creepy, fucked up-looking masked creatures, that's exactly how Steve appears when he shows up to surprise Ivy. He's a regular client of hers and they get right down to business because time is money, ya know?
Support Our Sponsor:
Ivy gets to show off her oral abilities as Steve stands at her bedside, undressing and whipping her softly with his belt as he does. Once he's undressed, he takes a moment to rub his beard on her clam before plunging his erection into her. Holmes lies on the bed and Lebelle gets busy once again wrapping her dark-tinted lips around his manhood. There are some camera bobbles and an odd zoom during this sequence but they are quick and easily forgotten. After slobbering him up nicely, she jumps on his rod and starts riding like someone's chasing her, Steve burying a finger in her butt for a moment.
Steve takes his tart through a number of positions, pausing between each one to enjoy some face time between her thighs. Her eyes lock on his as she holds her legs spread wide in a missionary romp where Steve is standing bedside, thrusting methodically while rubbing her clit with his thumb. Remember those camera bobbles I mentioned earlier? They're back and starting to become a bit annoying as Steve starts hammering her harder, his hand around her throat, his balls slapping into her ass. Our duo moves to a chair where they keep going at it in doggie and then surprise...we hear off-camera directions being given and the couple pause before going back at it. Ivy's chest and abdomen are shining with sweat as she kneels on the floor while Steve jerks himself to a finish on her.
Scene 3: Katrina Jade, Small Hands
The XBIZ 2017 Female Performer of the Year is folding laundry when Small Hands shows up at her door as her 4 o'clock client. After a moment of talking, he gets busy munching on her box, yanking her skirt off in the midst of his snack. Katrina shows off her oral skills in return, her hair flowing past her ass as she kneels and covers his cock in slobber. Some of that slobber ends up on her chest as he thrusts his cock between her tits. He tosses her onto the couch in doggie and starts hammering away, yanking her along the length of it as he does, the camera trying desperately to smoothly pan with the motion but having to adjust its zoom level at the end.
Jade is whimpering loudly as he jackhammers away at her, looking like Small Hands may have been watching lots of Markus Dupree scenes just prior. Her pussy piercing gleams in the light as she gets flipped onto her back, Small Hands stuffing his fingers into her mouth and then wrapping his hand around her throat as he climbs above her to shove his cock down her throat. The action is frenetic, some of the camera moves just as much so. Katrina is screaming loudly by the time she climbs onto his lap and starts bucking like a wild bronc until Small Hands lifts her in the air for some acrobatics.
It's a hardcore romp through all kinds of positions, including a sidesaddle rodeo ride that has Katrina bumping and grinding like a maniac while wheezing and screeching until she gets tossed onto all fours so Small Hands can drill into her from above like a demolition hammer in overdrive. It's a folded missionary that finally pushes him to the brink and he blows all over her panting face.
As good as the sex was, I honestly stopped caring about this scene due to the sheer volume of camera craziness.
Scene 4: Ariana Marie, Bill Bailey, Tommy Pistol
Okay...so this scene is set in Ariana's new yoga studio and Bill and Tommy are her clients. She's not a very good yoga teacher as Tommy (who is wearing photorealistic lightning yoga pants - yes you read that right) keeps pointing out as he begs her to "yoga him". Bill seems more fascinated with watching Ariana's tight body in her skin-tight outfit as her ass arches up toward the sun in the north...or east...or whatever. Since she's starting to feel like a fool, she decides to modernize the ancient art by incorporating sex into it, her almost-gothlike makeup looking a bit out of place for the scenario but flattering her features.
Pistol peels off her yoga pants, stopping to sniff them deeply as he walks around to stuff his cock down her throat while Bill occupies himself with eating her from below as she holds her body in a table formation. Ariana is sporting some serious bikini tan lines once she's nude but even her milky white parts are a shade or two darker than Tommy's complexion. Ariana's busy getting spit-roasted when someone casually walks in front of the camera, holding a camera.
Ariana moves into reverse rodeo atop Bill while Tommy continues his "yoga freak" character and saunters over to the wall to shadow dance with himself for a moment before spring-stepping back to the party to shove his dick into Marie's throat as Bailey bangs his ass on the floor. When the banging duo really gets going, Tommy amuses himself by doing lunges and squats while walking around them and then dragging his yoga mat in front of the camera as he does.
Honestly, I spaced out like 10 minutes of the action here while I was paying attention to how many unnecessary camera pans and zooms occurred. In the meantime, Ariana bounced around like she was playing musical chairs with cocks and faces, Tommy occupying himself with made-up yoga moves and fake weightlifting when she wasn't paying attention to him. Maybe the weightlifting was in preparation for the aerial move the threesome try, where Ariana stands between them and they grab her legs to lift her up as she says "teamwork" with Tommy responding "Yo!" as he attempts the lift, puts her down immediately while saying "No! Just bend over".
I've pretty much given up on watching the action of these talented performers at this point, paying attention only to how many radical camera moves can be made and how many more times another camera person will walk in front of the camera but oh, wait. Now we have a microphone (laying on the floor perhaps?) that has apparently increased in gain in order to capture every squeak and thump as Ariana repositions herself. It has become like reading an old Batman comic but in audio/video linguistics - 'Zoom! Pow! Pan! Tiiiilt...Thump!'
The money shot finally happens with both guys standing over her as she kneels on the floor, Tommy unloading first and Bill blasting her squarely in the eye as she pivots toward him. A quick blink and she's right back into it as the scene fades.
Final Thoughts: Wow. WTF? I seriously have no idea of what the fuck went wrong with this flick. The storyline is good and the performers are all on point but there are some serious camera operator issues in play here! Issues that are so numerous that I think even Small Hands gave up trying to edit around them. I will say that of the three credited camera operators, two are industry vets, one of which is world renowned, and I have no idea of who the third one is.
Now, if you read my reviews regularly then you know I'm a Burning Angel fan but this one absolutely fell off the rails from a technical standpoint. Even Tommy Pistol couldn't save that last scene with his odd character and weird antics and that's saying a lot. I actually feel bad writing this review because I'm a fan of pretty much everyone in it but I have to say that most people can skip it unless you are like me and can enjoy movies that belong on MST3K. This is one of them. Again, it has nothing to do with the performances but lies solely in the realm of technical faux pas. Those MST robots could spend 2 hours just repeating things like WTF? Zoom. Pan. Zoom. Tilt. So, pick your poison - you can skip it or you can enjoy the quirky Halloween spirit that is behind it and Watch On Demand. My recommendation up top will reflect the latter only because I'm a fan of the original it is based on, I like MST material, and I love a seasonal flick.
~cyber5 Tweet me.