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You Will Regret This
Director/Producer: Billy Visual Writer: Kelly Kay
Cinematographer: Curious Judas Editors: Pap McMuffin, Margot Misandry, Wet Willy
Cast: Abella Danger (Sophie), Kira Noir (Tess), Joanna Angel (Maxine), Michael Vegas (Travis), Small Hands (Brandon)
Length: 2 hours 30 minutes
Date of Release: March 26, 2019
Extras: Photo Gallery, Website Info
Audio/Video Quality: Really good on both counts considering much of the footage is shot in the woods at night. Vocals are clear which is key because there is some dialog and a story to follow. There is a bizarre issue with the DVD which I will talk about in my Final Thoughts below.
Overview: Billy Visual helms this Digital Playground feature which is about a trio of friends heading out to a music festival and picking up a couple of hitchhikers on the way and then their SUV breaks down in the middle of nowhere. It's very well acted by everyone involved but as with most quasi-horror flicks (especially in porn), it's filled with plot holes that may leave you with more questions than answers.
Scene 1: Abella Danger, Michael Vegas
Abella and Michael take a stroll into the woods at night and happen across a huge fallen tree that they can comfortably toss their blanket onto for a makeshift sex platform. Danger is sporting some highbeams that jut out of her form-fitting shirt and starts grinding her jean short-clad ass into Michael's crotch. He's quick to get those shorts off of her and diddle her as she lies on the log (which in this case is not metaphorical). His mouth follows his fingers, Abella's hands gripping his hair as he munches away. She returns the favor with one of her famous sloppy BJs grunting her way through it as what appears to be firelight dancing across their bodies and the trees.
They have sex standing up, Abella leaning on the log and Vegas trying to work his pants off as she lies on her back to get his rod shoved into her throat. Our camera crew makes sure to showcase Abella's Dangerass as she squat rides him on the log once his pants are off and Michael goes back for a mid-coitus box licking before returning to his sword-in-the-hole thrusting. I have to give props to Michael - his physique is in top shape and is showcased well as he humps Abella (who is also in great physical form) in a number of positions before showering her with his seed.
Scene 2: Joanna Angel, Kira Noir
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Joanna is helping Kira work through a personal issue at the car, the pair showing nice acting abilities as the dialog flows naturally while a soundtrack ebbs and swells in the background layered in very nicely. Then the dialog becomes a shared kiss in the heat of the moment and progresses to a strip down in the back of the SUV, the dark forest night making the action a bit hard to see at times even though the ladies are in a small pool of soft lighting. Joanna's fingers and tongue help to work out the stress Kira is experiencing, her own stress falling away as she sits atop her friend's face. Their groins grind together rhythmically, their panting and squealing cutting into the blackness of the night as they work through their situational frustrations.
Scene 3: Joanna Angel, Michael Vegas
Angel heads back to the campsite where she finds Vegas and manipulates him into shoving his cock into her throat, working him to hardness. The throatfucking is lit by the campfire, slobber gleaming off Joanna's face. With Michael now hard, they move to a nearby tree and Vegas takes her from behind, Joanna's landing strip showcased as she lifts her leg while Michael powers into her. Joanna's body quivers as she announces loudly that she is cumming making me wonder how Small Hands is sleeping through this escapade that moves to the forest floor for some 69 action. Angel is hot and ready and climbs into reverse cowgirl, sliding her ass hole down Michael's pole for a booty bounce session. After some more 69'ing, the duo moves to doggie for more derriere drilling, Michael finally taking off his hoodie that he's been wearing the entire time. The hiney-humping continues in a couple of positions, Joanna being quite vocal the entire time until Vegas shoots his volcano onto her face.
Scene 4: Abella Danger, Joanna Angel, Small Hands
Small Hands is finally awake and Abella's back with the group and for reasons that won't even make total sense if you are following the plot, the trio all get busy in the woods. At first, Aaron just kind of lays there on a blanket in the middle of nowhere, the girls using him as a personal playtoy and then he takes a more active role, lifting Joanna into the air for some standing slam with Danger licking the pair from below before getting her turn to ger trailed from behind as she munches on Angel's nether regions. Abella also gets her shot at some aerial acrobatics and the trio get louder as the girls start counting seconds down while trading places on the pole. The location imposes camera movement and angle restrictions which isn't really problematic because of the place trading going on and then the ladies lying atop one another as Small Hands swaps between their holes. It's Joanna's hole that works him to fruition, the ladies kneeling to be covered by his sword juice.
Final Thoughts: It's a well-acted story that has what could have been a decent story had this been a mainstream flick with a Hollywood budget and been fleshed out a bit more. But this is a skin flick, so the flesh is more literal. Now, due to the woodsy location, some of that flesh gets buried in dim lighting and the locations that do expose flesh have some camera angle limitations and restrictions that come along with the territory. I'm a fan of all of the stars in this one but I can tell you that this is definitely not in my top 10 in any of their respective repertoires. It's a good effort from everyone but it falls a bit short on a lot of counts from me. Let me address one of those counts in particular.
The opening. I hit Play on my DVD and a traditional credit sequence started to play, listing who's in it and the title of the movie splashed across a montage of action sequences from the movie. It was nicely done, I thought. Then, it showed them again. I checked my player to make sure I didn't do something stupid like set up an A-B repeat sequence or accidentally hit Restart. Nope. So, I started the movie again from the beginning. Same thing but this time I let it run its course. 2 credit rolls. 3 credit rolls. 4. 5. WTF? Knowing this was a semi-horror/suspense flick I restarted it once again to see if there was some minute variation in the sequences, perhaps a clue I was supposed to be subliminally aware of that would all come together at some point and offer me some insight through foreshadowing. Nope, not that I could tell. Once again, I replayed the whole opening sequence. Eight minutes and 57 seconds of the same credit sequence repeating and then BAM an entirely different opening sequence at which point the movie actually began. I hit pause and reached out to my colleagues and two of them have recently reviewed Digital Playground titles that suffered from similar but different anomalies like this. So, I reached out to the director himself and asked if this was by design and perhaps I was missing the point. He said it wasn't present on his end and nobody else he talked to had mentioned it. I really don't know what to make of the whole thing. Did I get a weird prototype disc? I don't think so. It looks like the same DVD you would buy at any retailer, complete with factory shrinkwrap, which brings me to my next point. This disc retails for around $30 putting it on the higher side of most titles. There are almost no extras to speak of so I'm not sure what justifies a price tag of five bucks more than many titles that are packed with bonus scenes and BTS footage that don't contain bizarre mastering glitches. Digital Playground has been around a LONG time and has produced some of the biggest porn flicks of all time but something is definitely falling through cracks in their production line as of late.
If you like story-driven porn that skates the fringes of movies about teens camping and things going bump in the night, then give this one a look using a streaming rental. Watch out for issues with the DVD itself though! Watch On Demand.
~cyber5 Tweet me.