Genre: Feature, parody, fantasy

Director: Bobby Peru & Archibald Witwicky Jr

Cast: Evan Stone, Dahlia Sky, Rob Diesel, Tiffany Doll, Silvia Rubi, Nacho Vidal, Alexis Crystal, Cathy Heaven, Max Cortes, Ryan Ryder

Audio/Video: The audio was excellent, you could hear everything and no static or weird sound levels. Also the music was pretty decent, which porn doesn't exactly have a reputation for, so good on it. The video, though, is where this shone- not only was it shot with a nice balance of closeups and full body views, but the environment shots from above were really stunning and showed effort. It was shot in 4K Ultra HD, and it's obvious. This is sharp, clear, and beautiful.

Length: 2 hours 27 minutes

Release Date: March 1, 2016

Extras: Cumshot recap, photo gallery, dialogue also subtitled in French, Spanish and German

Condoms: none

Story: Set in a vaguely magical steampunkish Wild West, an outlaw comes to the town of Outland to cause havoc among its people. He starts by terrorizing the local sheriff, shooting one of his daughters in front of him while imprisoning the other as his hypnotized sex slave. With the sheriff drunk and out of commission, who will save the day? A dashing hero appears to presumably take this villain out. As the first in a trilogy, and being a porn, there's some plot that was difficult to follow along with and some story pieces that seemed like they were missing, but whatever, right?

Outland: a porn where the plot holes aren't the only thing gaping!

The Cat's Whiskers?: This gets a Recommended from me, but before you hear why I have some things to say.

First off, I expected to be pretty horrified by the racism of Outland. And yes, there is racism against indigenous folks in this. HOWEVER I also noticed that many of the people involved in the making of this film were Hispanic, including all the people portraying indigenous people except the main characters. That was a lot more than I expected, and while obviously it could be better (redface, blackface, yellowface - it all really needs to gooooo) it was also less awful than I thought.

The steampunk angle was not really thought through. Ok, sure, some of the characters have goggles on their hats, and yeah, ok, the Big Bad has some power of hypnotism. We even get gears on Big Bad's lady crony's corset. A Bane mask is not steampunk. The weapons? Not steampunk. No robots, no indication of anything run on steam. It just felt like they were making a Western and threw that label on there to make it seem more hip.

BUT! But. This film was also beautifully shot. There's lots of close up action as well as scene setting shots, the camera work is very smooth, and I feel it's a porn that would appeal to the male and female gaze alike. The male performers are, perhaps, more buff than my particular tastes, but they generally provide fantastic performances and help their partners truly shine. Alexis Crystal was a standout performer for me, especially during the hypnotism scenes. Silvia Rubi was so incredible that I would actually watch the sequel just to see more of her.

Sex Scene 1: So, Nacho Vidal, dressed like a frat boy who heard "steampunk" and didn't know what it meant, rides into town, shoots a woman for presumably no reason, and then kidnaps Alexis Crystal to be his hypnotized sexbot. As you do. Using some sort of magical force hands, Nacho puts Alexis under his spell so that he can eat her our without her hysterically crying for shooting her sister. We've all been there, am I right? Anyway he seems really good with his actual hands, not just his magical hands. Alexis moans so much you have to remind yourself that she's hypotized... else you'd think she didn't like her sister much!

He keeps his boots on during the fucking, which I appreciate. There's a lot of different positions and Alexis seems really keen on it being rough. Nacho whispers in her ear and whatever he said just seems to make her wetter. I also very much enjoyed how Nacho, with his scars and bad guy swagger, tells Alexis to be gentle with his dick, like, a lot. Anyway, I think this generally is a really good example of how a scene can be kind of rough while still centering her pleasure- little things like her being eaten out first and that he kisses her mid blowjob is enjoyable to watch. He cums in her hair, leaving her sweaty and covered in spunk... she seems pretty happy about it, and it was a pretty hot scene (even if it's not Tom Hardy behind the Bane mask).

Sex Scene 2: Evan Stone wakes up with Dahlia Sky, who is likely his lover and not a casual fling judging by how they kiss each other. This is where we get our first encounter with Rob Diesel who is playing some awful caricature of an indigenous sidekick, clipped speech patterns, hand gestures, the whole thing. Ugh. Anyway I guess Rob's here to tell Evan to come help out with Nacho's shooting people or whatever, so Evan packs up to go. BUT WAIT before he leaves he's going to have a half hour sex scene with his ladylove because ehhhhh it's not that much of an emergency.

There's a lot of passionate kissing, which is sweet, and again we have fingering/cunnilingus right at the start which makes me pretty happy. This is another scene with a lot of position changing and also fucking in boots and Dahlia Sky is fucking gorgeous, as well as being playful and fun to watch fuck. Potentially a new favourite! I really appreciated the moment Evan said "choke on my cock so I can feel it in your asshole baby", which seemed, in the context of the scene, actually very sweet and romantic somehow. We eventually work our way up to anal, which is also nice to see in a romantic type scene. I also had to laugh as Evan tells Dahlia to be rougher with his cock, setting up a contrast to the scene we just saw. He cums, and then leaves to go fight steampunk Bane I guess?

I was curious- was Rob like, waiting outside the whole time, tappimg his foot and muttering "c'mon, man, how many positions do you need? We gotta go save the town!!" We'll never know.

Sex Scene 3: Max Cortes, the Sheriff who saw one daughter shot in front of him and the other stolen by the Big Bad, is now drunk and feeling pretty hopeless about his role in maintaining law and order. Somehow, despite the fact that clearly law enforcement should be focused on a man who is shooting people and kidnapping people and still running free, Cathy Heaven has been arrested, presumably for being a prostitute. This resonates so much with how the police arrest sex workers instead of spending their time doing dangerous work fighting crime that has genuine victims, but I doubt that this was a political statement on the part of the filmmakers.

Cathy tells Max he needs to grow some fucking balls and take charge of his damn town. She then offers to fuck him in exchange for her freedom, I guess cause he's drunk and she figures he won't last that long anyway? I did notice some things about the casting and the sex performed in this scene- the "whore" character is the first to have fake boobs, the first to not get cunnilingus as foreplay, and the only performer to not have her cunt touched *at all*. Like, no fingering, no oral, no PIV, nothing. They go straight to anal. Maybe that's her preference, but it felt like this was a way to be a little less loving to a prostitute character, which rubbed me the wrong way. Also, all the anal got kind of boring after a while- I was checking Twitter when he came on her ass.

Sex Scene 4: When I heard an eagle cry all I could think was "oh fuck please don't talk about spirit animals". I was relieved they didn't, though this was the scene I was dreading from the beginning. Rob Diesel and Evan Stone get captured by cannibals (?) who are covered in flour for some reason. They look like Burners after a dust storm and are about as appropriative (though at least played by Hispanic folks, so there's that). Then some rando comes out of nowhere (is this Ryan Ryder? No idea, his character is never named) and negotiates that rather than eating these prisoners for trespassing, one of the cannibals, Tiffany Doll, should have a threesome with them. This sounds like the Bill Clinton department of diplomacy, but whatever, it is a porn.

I did notice that Rob and Tiffany are not allowed to enjoy the pleasure of fucking in boots like almost everyone else in this film. This scene is mostly spitroasting (which, ok, if they did that on purpose cause of the cannibal thing, nice dirty uncle joke there) and I have to admit I am confused as to why you would put your dick in a cannibal's mouth. I'm also still really confused about how this is steampunk at all. And I feel saddened that again, Tiffany doesn't get oral sex. I'm sure it's not purposeful but it does come across as a good girl/bad girl thing that feels a little icky.

Evan and Rob cum on Tiffany's face, making a weird paste. While I praise the dedication to the costume, sometimes you should let the porn scene look pretty..?

Sex Scene 5: Alexis Crystal is naked in a cage but Silvia Rubi doesn’t need any magic spirit fingers to seduce her. Straight up, this was my favourite scene in the whole porn and changed my opinion on it from a Watch it Online to Recommended because you need to own this scene. The chemistry is so fucking hot, Alexis and Silvia seem to be genuinely into each other, Nacho Vidal seems totally fine acting as a stunt cock for them to play with, and the whole thing was just fucking perfection. The only fault I have with this was that it was at the end of the movie, because the movie really could have and should’ve been these three fucking each other.

Nacho has Silvia “teach” Alexis how to suck cock (gently, I assume) and the way the two of them meet eyes is just… whew. So good. There’s some dehumanizing stuff when Nacho pushes Alexis’s hair in front of her face so only her mouth is exposed, which is both fucked up but kind of sexy if you’re into that kind of thing. It did seem like it would feel better in person than it looked visually, but eh. There’s a lot of different positions and everyone seems involved and excited the whole time, which is beautiful to see. I loved how much Alexis and Silvia wanted to fuck each other, and I loved how experimental Nacho was. There’s this one moment where he tells Silvia to pretend his cock is hers and then fuck Alexis with it where I was just swooning. This was the closest to sex I enjoy watching and I loved it. If this scene doesn’t win awards I’ll be shocked.

Nacho ends the scene spitting water all over Alexis and having Silvia clean it up. Then the porn ends. I felt like this scene was a tease and denial, because I really wanted to see more Silvia, and there was no more. Sadface.